Shahbaz In Showbiz

Punjab’s Chief Minister, Shahbaz Sharif, neither has joined the separatist movement of Khalistan nor become Shahbaz Singh; he merely sat down to sing a famous film song ‘Akelay Na Jana’ in a children’s programme aired on television last Sunday. He said he ‘liked classical singing of Ahmad Rushdi and Muhammad Rafi’.

Given his ongoing tussle with the ruling party and the Punjab Governor, Salman Taseer, Shahbaz Sharif could benefit tremendously by singing the Blues in the key of B flat, backed by a decent blues band.

Sohail Rana composed Ahmed Rushdi’s famous song, ‘Akelay Na Jana’, from film Armaan. Rushdi was not a classical music singer but giants of his time did train Rafi sahib in the fine art. You may listen to the Rushdie song, which is based on Raag Aiman (Yaman) at:

http://www.ask.com/bar?q=akale+na+jana%2Cahmed+rushdi&page=1&a mp;qsrc=2417&a mp;ab=2&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DvJ7vJ98BiTQ

So, if Shahbaz Sharif’s poor music tutor told him that Ahmed Rushdie sang in raga Aiman, the Chief Minister may have found comfort in mimicking the singer to a questionable degree in his Jacuzzi, while the masses sang Flour Blues, Sugar Blues and, worst of all—Electricity Blues. Now this is why I insist that Shahbaz Sharif ought to sing the Blues in the key of B flat, and let Governor Salman Taseer—with his trendy sunglasses—sing the 1986 hit by Timbuk3: ‘The Future’s So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades’.

I also find it strange to see Shahbaz Sharif mix Ahmed Rushdie with Rafi sahib—the latter I admire the most out of all the male singers while the former’s name only reminds me of Salman Rushdie, the author of the globally condemned Satanic Verses.

By singing that song, perhaps what Shahbaz Sharif meant was that in politics one must not go alone (akeley) but rather reach the abyss with one’s entire coterie of psychotic supporters. Our leaders seldom go without taking the entire nation on a trip to no place in particular.

Appearing on a private TV channel, Shahbaz Sharif said his ‘late father was a very disciplined person’. The chief minister said ‘terrorism could be eliminated only through education in the society’, and that ‘some people were killing their fellow Muslims in the name of Islam’.

Shahbaz Sharif could not have said so much in one breath; decent men requiring breathing, as do good singers like Rafi sahib. Since the Press claims he did utter all that, we must understand clearly that his three-in-one statement requires a qualified psychiatrist to analyze it. Since I would not like to bother the few Freud-influenced head examiners that we have at this website, allow me to explain.

Let us pick the three key words first: father, terrorism, and people; these have no relationship with one another, which is fine in politics. The late Sharif sahib worked hard to get his sons (the other being Mian Nawaz Sharif, the ex-Prime Minister) noticed by the military dictator who left us only his teeth in Bahawalpur, without finishing the mangoes that the CIA-RAW-Mossad nexus lovingly placed for him in the Hercules C130 airplane. In saying that the late Mian Sharif sahib ‘was a disciplined man’, the son is in fact admitting that he himself is not. How so?—because Shahab Sharif never said he was, is, or will ever be disciplined, no matter how many Begum Bridges he builds over the Cavalry Grounds of Lahore to connect old Gulberg with the ever-expanding Defence Housing Authority.

As for terrorism, if a criminal terrorises a neighbourhood, people do not get him enrolled to the nearest university to complete his higher education; they seek the help of the police, or better, ask a bigger criminal for relief—a horse-trading politician. If education alone could eliminate terrorism, Mrika would send in teachers and professors to our lands, not its military helped by the Europeans who have been tricked into believing that hordes of Islam-lovers will soon lovingly ditch them into the French Riviera. Since Shahbaz Sharif sang in a children’s music programme, please forgive him for revealing his secret plan on national television. Let us all feel happy that the Mrikan government has not become aware of the idea in order to boost the declining business of its esteemed educational institutions, which mostly produce Trojan horses for us.

As for ‘some people killing Muslims in the name of Islam’, let us not be alarmed at why Shahbaz Sharif launched a veiled attack on Mrikans who love calling Pakistan the ‘front-line state against terrorism’.

It might seem like an abrupt ending—which is intentional, I assure you—but let us leave it here for now, lest I be asked to explain why I stood up to jeer at the sitting Chief Minister.

Read other ARTICLES by the author to find out why he is banned on Chowq's front page