Friday, 27 May 2011

Pippa ‘Butt’ Middleton

When Prince William (Duke of Cambridge) entered his ‘Made in England’ marital paradise, millions of people chose to focus not on the bride but rather on the sister-in-law, Pippa Middleton, who flashed her fleshy rear bumper not as curvaceous as a Ferrari’s.

That sinking feeling

During the royal wedding, the British society remained at great risk of sinking into an abyss of voluptuous bottoms. It might have been infinitely more fruitful for the English to recover from the prevailing ‘economic downturn’ instead of obsessing over Pippa’s rearmost. People missed a great opportunity to demand free fish and chips and ended up chasing after royal hindquarters.

Nobody can wake up someone who pretends to be asleep. The idea behind the expensive royal wedding ceremony was to make all Earthlings completely forget the financial spanking the money-masters have been giving to a captive global work-force. The public was expected to forget all woes for the duration of the royal puppet show in London.

How might one’s life improve by reading about ‘the fittest member of the monarchy’ or seeing ‘the nicest ass at the royal wedding’? We live in very dangerous times in which governments, instead of overhauling invasive foreign policies, help weaker regimes create ‘Big Brother’ police states all over the world. Humanity’s focus has been hijacked; trivia is intentionally being given maximum importance in our lives.

A new oath of allegiance

Pippa Middleton, by appearing at Kate’s wedding, set the cyberspace on fire and caused the Twitter website to crash.

Then Jimmy Wevell created on Facebook a page called ‘
Pippa Middleton Ass Appreciation Society’, where over 226,000 fans (and counting) swore true allegiance to Pippa’s derriere. He even intends to induct her into the ‘Butt Hall of Fame’—wherever that might be. Now this part of the anatomy in my part of the world is ritually thrashed by the police to extract ‘voluntary confessions’ from those who dare to cross the paths of the Law or the VIPs.

How many of you recall reciting the following?

I, (Insert full name), do swear that I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to Her Majesty (name withheld due to security concerns), her heirs and successors, according to law. So help me God.

Will we—God forbid—see a new oath of allegiance of British citizenship which might read as follows?

I, (insert your full name), do swear, without using four-letter swear words, that I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to Majestic Bums, the buttocks of heirs and successors, according to law. So help me dogs.

A large number of Pakistanis—with plenty of ifs and butts at their disposal—are now expected to seek citizenship of the United Kingdom to admire royal butts.

The osculum infame (Francesco Maria Guazzo's Compendium maleficarum of 1608)

Osculum infame

During the Victorian era, gentlemen kissed ladies’ gloved hands to show respect and brave men received knighthoods on bended knees; we are now living in an age in which the fanny of the likes of Jennifer Lopez command awesome respect and the greatest possible media coverage.

With all those magic-infused Harry Potter novels (‘modern literature’) casting mass spells over children, this obsession with buttocks might lead one to what witches do at the beginning of sabbats: offer ‘
The kiss of shame’ to the fundament of the devil and sometimes those of lower-ranking demons.

Because modern women have no use for chivalrous knights in shining armour, the knighthood manufacturing department of England is at risk of being shut down if it fails to give a new meaning to the honorific title of GBE—that of Knight Grand Cross of the Order of the Bottom End. What does the popular slogan of ‘God save the Queen’ mean these days when one cannot save one’s butts from uncontrollable inflation and increasing taxation?

How will future British children be reared—pun intended—in the traditional British way if unnatural emphasis were placed on royal rears? Will they introduce buttology as a new subject at Oxford? Does Britain’s favourite traditional fish and chips risk being renamed bums and hips?

Lucky to be in Pakistan

In Pakistani politics only two things may be considered worth kissing: the swagger sticks (or batons) at our General Headquarters or the hindquarters of a foreign power.

Here, if any ‘bloody civilian’ ever dares accusing a high-ranking serviceman of breaking the oath, his own hindquarters end up being in serious trouble. No journalist in his right mind dares making a curvaceous sarkari begum sahiba the butt of his joke, leave alone use colourful language to describe the fatty rear of a leader’s sister-in-law.

In rural areas, the punishment for a disgraceful act is this: the offender’s head and eyebrows are shaved before being given an ignominious donkey-ride through the streets, with children jeering, “Pagal, hee oye!” (literally: hey, madman!).

Bhabi means brother’s wife. In Pakistan, men normally address another man’s wife as bhabi. Do not be misled by Waheed Murad, our ‘chocolate hero’, who played a touchy-feely brother-in-law and thus perverted a pious relationship for the sake of a film. I warn you: DO NOT watch this video.

Hot-crossed buns

Instead of using a pendulum and a hypnotic voice suggesting, “You are falling asleep”, Pippa Middleton’s rear was used to cast a mass spell on billions of television viewers. True to their nature, the British tabloids first admired Pippa Middleton’s soft white silk dress and then sang praises of her equally white and 'lively rear that squirmed mesmerizingly’ as she followed her lucky sister down Westminster Abbey’s aisle.

While I am able to correctly interpret many body language signs, never have I tried decoding imaginary signals ‘mesmerizingly’ emanating from ‘squirming’ buttocks. Have you?

Some questions arise here. Why do most males tend to notice female cheeks? Is that part of their genetic makeup or have they been conditioned by events such as the one under scrutiny? Do Hollywood and the news media require severe censorship before anti-harassment laws are enforced?

It’s in my blue jeans

A British celebrity fitness expert has opined, “Not calorie-burning workouts but rather family genes play an important part in having a rounded backside as perfect as Pippa’s and a curvy long-legged figure like her mum Carole’s.”

We all know what happens in Pakistan if one brings into an argument someone’s mother, sister or daughter. Not only did this ‘expert’ comment on the daughter, he dragged in her ‘mum’ as well. His message is clear: in order for a woman to climb up the Darwinian ladder of evolution, she must possess royal family genes—whatever they look like under a microscope.

Being a man, I missed nothing by not watching Kate’s wedding. I assume plans are now afoot to boost British tourism by introducing yet more topless red busses in London to take newly-married couples and their in-laws for sightseeing the rear ends of genetically superior sisters-in-law.

You too, Gluteus?

The same royal trainer also opined: “Gluteus maximus is a big muscle that responds quickly to exercise, many of my clients want a body like Pippa’s. Her butt-toning secrets are: tennis and swimming all strokes except the breast-stroke.”

Pippa behind Kate's behind

Why, this must be supreme royal censorship? Were they able to keep Pandora’s snuff-box closed by not disclosing that Pippa does swim excellent breast stroke?

I know not how to swim or play tennis but here I am with my maximus talentus of making social commentus that receive an odd few hundred clickus each monthus on this blogus. How can I compete with Pippa Middleton’s gluteus, leave alone her royal bunsus which do better social workus than I could even dream of doing? In any case, her public display of a ‘squirming’ posterior gets more Facebook LIKEs in a day than I ever could in a lifetime.

Get your BUTT over here!

This British fitness expert who trains the royals to have perfect butts must now be held accountable by UK-settled Cash-Miris whose ‘Butt’ surnames are unfairly associated with the most backward and fatty part of the human frame.

Never mind if the Cash-Miris are famous for cooking and then consuming foods so fatty they make the word cholesterol blush, or that they love talking about food while consuming it, or that they possess bodies that lean people have nightmares about.

In care-free Cash-Miri company, one is bound to forget that a balanced nourishing diet and some physical exertion are fine habits. The Cash-Miris of Pakistan have given up all forms of physical exercise except one: that of demanding the exercise of constitutional rights for their kin across the Indo-Pak Line of Control.

From today on I will do strenuous cardio workouts, prefer extreme diets, take the stairs and never a lift, and ascend three steps at a time to bend the knees a bit more so that my gluteus maximus wakes up—God knows, it needs to. To ensure that I also meet exacting British ‘LMAO’ Standards, I intend to do another exercise that I recently devised: jumping into my trousers both legs at once.

©Tahir Gul Hasan 2011

Re-edited, 01 December 2019

Tuesday, 10 May 2011

Osama Bin Laden: Letter To The American People

Instead of condemning or condoning Osama’s alleged actions or speculating on his alleged death on May 2, 2011, I have chosen to reprint his ‘Letter to The American People’. Please note that the man, trained and used by the CIA, was a Saudi citizen whose demands, to a large extent, still echo throughout the Muslim world.

The source of Osama’s ideas might have been Sayyid Qutb’s Egyptian Muslim Brotherhood but what is worth pondering over is that there exists a gross imbalance in the world today at every level. Colonialism and globalization have left mankind with no option but to rebel against the corporations, the bankers and the repressive regimes in Muslim lands supported by foreign intelligence agencies.

Our parents, Adam and Eve, were pardoned for their mistake of disobedience and then sent to Earth as vice reagents to manage its affairs according to Divine guidance, and not as a punishment for some unpardonable sin. Your God cannot be different from my God. It is He alone who sustains our livelihoods, provides everything wholesome and good, witnesses our deeds and hears our desperate cries. His prophets have suffered for us, His revelations continue to be ignored by the ignorant ones yet His plan remains the same for all humans. God promises forgiveness and salvation, the devil lures us with base worldly desires.

Good may not appear to be the winning horse but what counts is our effort, individual and collective, to consign evil to hell. Be courageous in the face of lies and deception, and stand up against injustice. I wish you all the best.

Osama Bin Laden: Letter To The American People

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

"Permission to fight (against disbelievers) is given to those (believers) who are fought against, because they have been wronged and surely, Allah is Able to give them (believers) victory" [Quran 22:39]

"Those who believe, fight in the Cause of Allah, and those who disbelieve, fight in the cause of Taghut (anything worshipped other than Allah e.g. Satan). So fight you against the friends of Satan; ever feeble is indeed the plot of Satan."[Quran 4:76]

Some American writers have published articles under the title 'On what basis are we fighting?' These articles have generated a number of responses, some of which adhered to the truth and were based on Islamic Law, and others which have not. Here we wanted to outline the truth - as an explanation and warning - hoping for Allah's reward, seeking success and support from Him.

While seeking Allah's help, we form our reply based on two questions directed at the Americans:

(Q1) Why are we fighting and opposing you?
(Q2) What are we calling you to, and what do we want from you?

As for the first question: Why are we fighting and opposing you? The answer is very simple:

(1) Because you attacked us and continue to attack us.

(a) You attacked us in Palestine:

(i) Palestine, which has sunk under military occupation for more than 80 years. The British handed over Palestine, with your help and your support, to the Jews, who have occupied it for more than 50 years; years overflowing with oppression, tyranny, crimes, killing, expulsion, destruction and devastation. The creation and continuation of Israel is one of the greatest crimes, and you are the leaders of its criminals. And of course there is no need to explain and prove the degree of American support for Israel. The creation of Israel is a crime which must be erased. Each and every person whose hands have become polluted in the contribution towards this crime must pay its price, and pay for it heavily.

(ii) It brings us both laughter and tears to see that you have not yet tired of repeating your fabricated lies that the Jews have a historical right to Palestine, as it was promised to them in the Torah. Anyone who disputes with them on this alleged fact is accused of anti-Semitism. This is one of the most fallacious, widely-circulated fabrications in history. The people of Palestine are pure Arabs and original Semites. It is the Muslims who are the inheritors of Moses (peace be upon him) and the inheritors of the real Torah that has not been changed. Muslims believe in all of the Prophets, including Abraham, Moses, Jesus and Muhammad, peace and blessings of Allah be upon them all. If the followers of Moses have been promised a right to Palestine in the Torah, then the Muslims are the most worthy nation of this.

When the Muslims conquered Palestine and drove out the Romans, Palestine and Jerusalem returned to Islam, the religion of all the Prophets peace be upon them. Therefore, the call to a historical right to Palestine cannot be raised against the Islamic Ummah that believes in all the Prophets of Allah (peace and blessings be upon them) - and we make no distinction between them.

(iii) The blood pouring out of Palestine must be equally revenged. You must know that the Palestinians do not cry alone; their women are not widowed alone; their sons are not orphaned alone.

(b) You attacked us in Somalia; you supported the Russian atrocities against us in Chechnya, the Indian oppression against us in Kashmir, and the Jewish aggression against us in Lebanon.

(c) Under your supervision, consent and orders, the governments of our countries which act as your agents, attack us on a daily basis;

(i) These governments prevent our people from establishing the Islamic Shariah, using violence and lies to do so.

(ii) These governments give us a taste of humiliation, and place us in a large prison of fear and subdual.

(iii) These governments steal our Ummah's wealth and sell them to you at a paltry price.

(iv) These governments have surrendered to the Jews, and handed them most of Palestine, acknowledging the existence of their state over the dismembered limbs of their own people.

(v) The removal of these governments is an obligation upon us, and a necessary step to free the Ummah, to make the Shariah the supreme law and to regain Palestine. And our fight against these governments is not separate from out fight against you.

(d) You steal our wealth and oil at paltry prices because of you international influence and military threats. This theft is indeed the biggest theft ever witnessed by mankind in the history of the world.

(e) Your forces occupy our countries; you spread your military bases throughout them; you corrupt our lands, and you besiege our sanctities, to protect the security of the Jews and to ensure the continuity of your pillage of our treasures.

(f) You have starved the Muslims of Iraq, where children die every day. It is a wonder that more than 1.5 million Iraqi children have died as a result of your sanctions, and you did not show concern. Yet when 3000 of your people died, the entire world rises and has not yet sat down.

(g) You have supported the Jews in their idea that Jerusalem is their eternal capital, and agreed to move your embassy there. With your help and under your protection, the Israelis are planning to destroy the Al-Aqsa mosque. Under the protection of your weapons, Sharon entered the Al-Aqsa mosque, to pollute it as a preparation to capture and destroy it.

(2) These tragedies and calamities are only a few examples of your oppression and aggression against us. It is commanded by our religion and intellect that the oppressed have a right to return the aggression. Do not await anything from us but Jihad, resistance and revenge. Is it in any way rational to expect that after America has attacked us for more than half a century, that we will then leave her to live in security and peace?!!

(3) You may then dispute that all the above does not justify aggression against civilians, for crimes they did not commit and offenses in which they did not partake:

(a) This argument contradicts your continuous repetition that America is the land of freedom, and its leaders in this world. Therefore, the American people are the ones who choose their government by way of their own free will; a choice which stems from their agreement to its policies. Thus the American people have chosen, consented to, and affirmed their support for the Israeli oppression of the Palestinians, the occupation and usurpation of their land, and its continuous killing, torture, punishment and expulsion of the Palestinians. The American people have the ability and choice to refuse the policies of their Government and even to change it if they want.

(b) The American people are the ones who pay the taxes which fund the planes that bomb us in Afghanistan, the tanks that strike and destroy our homes in Palestine, the armies which occupy our lands in the Arabian Gulf, and the fleets which ensure the blockade of Iraq. These tax dollars are given to Israel for it to continue to attack us and penetrate our lands. So the American people are the ones who fund the attacks against us, and they are the ones who oversee the expenditure of these monies in the way they wish, through their elected candidates.

(c) Also the American army is part of the American people. It is this very same people who are shamelessly helping the Jews fight against us.

(d) The American people are the ones who employ both their men and their women in the American Forces which attack us.

(e) This is why the American people cannot be innocent of all the crimes committed by the Americans and Jews against us.

(f) Allah, the Almighty, legislated the permission and the option to take revenge. Thus, if we are attacked, then we have the right to attack back. Whoever has destroyed our villages and towns, then we too have the right to destroy their villages and towns. Whoever has stolen our wealth, then we have the right to destroy their economy. And whoever has killed our civilians, then we have the right to kill theirs.

The American Government and press still refuse to answer the question:

Why did they attack us in New York and Washington?

If Sharon is a man of peace in the eyes of Bush, then we are also men of peace!!! America does not understand the language of manners and principles, so we are addressing it using the language it understands.

(Q2) As for the second question that we want to answer: What are we calling you to, and what do we want from you?

(1) The first thing that we are calling you to is Islam.

(a) The religion of the Unification of God; of freedom from associating partners with Him, and rejection of this; of complete love of Him, the Exalted; of complete submission to His Laws; and of the discarding of all the opinions, orders, theories and religions which contradict with the religion He sent down to His Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). Islam is the religion of all the prophets, and makes no distinction between them - peace be upon them all.

It is to this religion that we call you; the seal of all the previous religions. It is the religion of Unification of God, sincerity, the best of manners, righteousness, mercy, honour, purity, and piety. It is the religion of showing kindness to others, establishing justice between them, granting them their rights, and defending the oppressed and the persecuted. It is the religion of enjoining the good and forbidding the evil with the hand, tongue and heart. It is the religion of Jihad in the way of Allah so that Allah's Word and religion reign Supreme. And it is the religion of unity and agreement on the obedience to Allah, and total equality between all people, without regarding their colour, sex, or language.

(b) It is the religion whose book - the Quran - will remain preserved and unchanged, after the other Divine books and messages have been changed. The Quran is the miracle until the Day of Judgment. Allah has challenged anyone to bring a book like the Quran or even ten verses like it.

(2) The second thing we call you to, is to stop your oppression, lies, immorality and debauchery that has spread among you.

(a) We call you to be a people of manners, principles, honour, and purity; to reject the immoral acts of fornication, homosexuality, intoxicants, gambling's, and trading with interest.

We call you to all of this that you may be freed from that which you have become caught up in; that you may be freed from the deceptive lies that you are a great nation, that your leaders spread amongst you to conceal from you the despicable state to which you have reached.

(b) It is saddening to tell you that you are the worst civilization witnessed by the history of mankind:

(i) You are the nation who, rather than ruling by the Shariah of Allah in its Constitution and Laws, choose to invent your own laws as you will and desire. You separate religion from your policies, contradicting the pure nature which affirms Absolute Authority to the Lord and your Creator. You flee from the embarrassing question posed to you: How is it possible for Allah the Almighty to create His creation, grant them power over all the creatures and land, grant them all the amenities of life, and then deny them that which they are most in need of: knowledge of the laws which govern their lives?

(ii) You are the nation that permits Usury, which has been forbidden by all the religions. Yet you build your economy and investments on Usury. As a result of this, in all its different forms and guises, the Jews have taken control of your economy, through which they have then taken control of your media, and now control all aspects of your life making you their servants and achieving their aims at your expense; precisely what Benjamin Franklin warned you against.

(iii) You are a nation that permits the production, trading and usage of intoxicants. You also permit drugs, and only forbid the trade of them, even though your nation is the largest consumer of them.

(iv) You are a nation that permits acts of immorality, and you consider them to be pillars of personal freedom. You have continued to sink down this abyss from level to level until incest has spread amongst you, in the face of which neither your sense of honour nor your laws object.

Who can forget your President Clinton's immoral acts committed in the official Oval office? After that you did not even bring him to account, other than that he 'made a mistake', after which everything passed with no punishment. Is there a worse kind of event for which your name will go down in history and remembered by nations?

(v) You are a nation that permits gambling in its all forms. The companies practice this as well, resulting in the investments becoming active and the criminals becoming rich.

(vi) You are a nation that exploits women like consumer products or advertising tools calling upon customers to purchase them. You use women to serve passengers, visitors, and strangers to increase your profit margins. You then rant that you support the liberation of women.

(vii) You are a nation that practices the trade of sex in all its forms, directly and indirectly. Giant corporations and establishments are established on this, under the name of art, entertainment, tourism and freedom, and other deceptive names you attribute to it.

(viii) And because of all this, you have been described in history as a nation that spreads diseases that were unknown to man in the past. Go ahead and boast to the nations of man, that you brought them AIDS as a Satanic American Invention.

(xi) You have destroyed nature with your industrial waste and gases more than any other nation in history. Despite this, you refuse to sign the Kyoto agreement so that you can secure the profit of your greedy companies and*industries.

(x) Your law is the law of the rich and wealthy people, who hold sway in their political parties, and fund their election campaigns with their gifts. Behind them stand the Jews, who control your policies, media and economy.

(xi) That which you are singled out for in the history of mankind, is that you have used your force to destroy mankind more than any other nation in history; not to defend principles and values, but to hasten to secure your interests and profits. You, who dropped a nuclear bomb on Japan, even though Japan was ready to negotiate an end to the war. How many acts of oppression, tyranny and injustice have you carried out, O callers to freedom?

(xii) Let us not forget one of your major characteristics: your duality in both manners and values; your hypocrisy in manners and principles. All manners, principles and values have two scales: one for you and one for the others.

(a) The freedom and democracy that you call to is for yourselves and for white race only; as for the rest of the world, you impose upon them your monstrous, destructive policies and Governments, which you call the 'American friends'. Yet you prevent them from establishing democracies. When the Islamic party in Algeria wanted to practice democracy and they won the election, you unleashed your agents in the Algerian army onto them, and to attack them with tanks and guns, to imprison them and torture them - a new lesson from the 'American book of democracy'!

(b) Your policy on prohibiting and forcibly removing weapons of mass destruction to ensure world peace: it only applies to those countries which you do not permit to possess such weapons. As for the countries you consent to, such as Israel, then they are allowed to keep and use such weapons to defend their security. Anyone else who you suspect might be manufacturing or keeping these kinds of weapons, you call them criminals and you take military action against them.

(c) You are the last ones to respect the resolutions and policies of International Law, yet you claim to want to selectively punish anyone else who does the same. Israel has for more than 50 years been pushing UN resolutions and rules against the wall with the full support of America.

(d) As for the war criminals which you censure and form criminal courts for - you shamelessly ask that your own are granted immunity! However, history will not forget the war crimes that you committed against the Muslims and the rest of the world; those you have killed in Japan, Afghanistan, Somalia, Lebanon and Iraq will remain a shame that you will never be able to escape. It will suffice to remind you of your latest war crimes in Afghanistan, in which densely populated innocent civilian villages were destroyed; bombs were dropped on mosques causing the roof of the mosque to come crashing down on the heads of the Muslims praying inside. You are the ones who broke the agreement with the Mujahideen when they left Qunduz, bombing them in Jangi fort, and killing more than 1,000 of your prisoners through suffocation and thirst. Allah alone knows how many people have died by torture at the hands of you and your agents. Your planes remain in the Afghan skies, looking for anyone remotely suspicious.

(e) You have claimed to be the vanguards of Human Rights, and your Ministry of Foreign affairs issues annual reports containing statistics of those countries that violate any Human Rights. However, all these things vanished when the Mujahideen hit you, and you then implemented the methods of the same documented governments that you used to curse. In America, you captured thousands the Muslims and Arabs, took them into custody with neither reason or court trial, nor even disclosing their names. You issued newer, harsher laws.

What happens in Guantanamo is a historical embarrassment to America and its values, and it screams into your faces - you hypocrites, "What is the value of your signature on any agreement or treaty?"

(3) What we call you to thirdly is to take an honest stance with yourselves - and I doubt you will do so - to discover that you are a nation without principles or manners, and that the values and principles to you are something which you merely demand from others, not that which you yourself must adhere to.

(4) We also advise you to stop supporting Israel, and to end your support of the Indians in Kashmir, the Russians against the Chechens and to also cease supporting the Manila Government against the Muslims in Southern Philippines.

(5) We also advise you to pack your luggage and get out of our lands. We desire for your goodness, guidance, and righteousness, so do not force us to send you back as cargo in coffins.

(6) Sixthly, we call upon you to end your support of the corrupt leaders in our countries. Do not interfere in our politics and method of education. Leave us alone, or else expect us in New York and Washington.

(7) We also call you to deal with us and interact with us on the basis of mutual interests and benefits, rather than the policies of sub dual, theft and occupation, and not to continue your policy of supporting the Jews because this will result in more disasters for you.

If you fail to respond to all these conditions, then prepare for fight with the Islamic Nation. The Nation of Monotheism that puts complete trust on Allah and fears none other than Him. The Nation which is addressed by its Quran with the words: "Do you fear them? Allah has more right that you should fear Him if you are believers. Fight against them so that Allah will punish them by your hands and disgrace them and give you victory over them and heal the breasts of believing people. And remove the anger of their (believers') hearts. Allah accepts the repentance of whom He wills. Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise." [Quran9:13-1]

The Nation of honour and respect:

"But honour, power and glory belong to Allah, and to His Messenger (Muhammad- peace be upon him) and to the believers." [Quran 63:8]

"So do not become weak (against your enemy), nor be sad, and you will be*superior (in victory) if you are indeed (true) believers" [Quran 3:139]

The Nation of Martyrdom; the Nation that desires death more than you desire life:

"Think not of those who are killed in the way of Allah as dead. Nay, they are alive with their Lord, and they are being provided for. They rejoice in what Allah has bestowed upon them from His bounty and rejoice for the sake of those who have not yet joined them, but are left behind (not yet martyred) that on them no fear shall come, nor shall they grieve. They rejoice in a grace and a bounty from Allah and that Allah will not waste the reward of the believers." [Quran 3:169-171]

The Nation of victory and success that Allah has promised:

"It is He Who has sent His Messenger (Muhammad peace be upon him) with guidance and the religion of truth (Islam), to make it victorious over all other religions even though the Polytheists hate it." [Quran 61:9]

"Allah has decreed that 'Verily it is I and My Messengers who shall be victorious.' Verily Allah is All-Powerful, All-Mighty." [Quran 58:21]

The Islamic Nation that was able to dismiss and destroy the previous evil Empires like yourself; the Nation that rejects your attacks, wishes to remove your evils, and is prepared to fight you. You are well aware that the Islamic Nation, from the very core of its soul, despises your haughtiness and arrogance.

If the Americans refuse to listen to our advice and the goodness, guidance and righteousness that we call them to, then be aware that you will lose this Crusade Bush began, just like the other previous Crusades in which you were humiliated by the hands of the Mujahideen, fleeing to your home in great silence and disgrace. If the Americans do not respond, then their fate will be that of the Soviets who fled from Afghanistan to deal with their military defeat, political breakup, ideological downfall, and economic bankruptcy.

This is our message to the Americans, as an answer to theirs. Do they now know why we fight them and over which form of ignorance, by the permission of Allah, we shall be victorious?

The full text of Osama bin Laden's  "Letter to the American people", reported in today's Observer. The letter first appeared on the internet in Arabic and has since been translated and circulated in Britain. Sunday 24 November 2002 12.07 GMT

Sunday, 1 May 2011

Let There Be Light: A Letter To The Editor


For the past many months, we, the citizens, have been enduring a six-hour electricity shutdown schedule whose current daily timings are 0100-0200, 0500-0600, 0800-0900, 1300-1400, 1900-2000, 2100-2200.

As if this was not enough to drive our generators and UPSs crazy, the authorities have resorted to un-announced shutdowns at all odd hours on a daily basis. The flow of electrons is disrupted right when one is either watching worrying news on the television or attempting to write a letter to a newspaper editor. That I may be able to finish this letter and mail it in time to you may indeed be considered a miracle.

I called up the local grid station today and found out that such un-announced shutdowns are intimated to the PDC (power despatch centre) by the powers-that-be at Islamabad.

What I wish to point out is that modern television sets and delicate computers were never designed to withstand such disruptive electrical insults. The only persons getting rich these days are the UPS and generator sellers and electronics technicians. Who—if not the power generation and distribution authorities—are responsible for the damage caused to our appliances?

We are experiencing state-sanctioned terrorism of an electrifying nature. Will they ever cut the parliament down to a useful size, stop taking useless official foreign trips, and focus instead on going forth to multiply the watts and the volts?

Please join me in praying—even if you are mildly inclined towards religion—that we produce some electricity before God smites us permanently unconscious with a free thunderbolt from heaven.

Tahir Gul Hasan, October 2008

Please note that this letter was NOT published by any national newspaper. Why? Ask them, not me!

People always misunderstand what one writes, they jump to conclusions, and almost never reflect deeply. THIS is what writers must always face or else they would not be who they are. --tgh

As I write this in 2011, the electricity situation has not improved but has rather worsened, which means we surely are going nowhere fast.