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This is in addition to my blog: The Most Dangerous Man On Chowq
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A psychopath 'gives' you the information, even if it's bad, he gets to give it to you with his own spin on it. He can manipulate and sculpt reality to make him look innocent, get sympathy from you....
Some of them have 'subconscious leaking' when stuff they are concerned about starts leaking into the conversation. We call these 'Freudian slips' (instead of saying "I absolutely adore that" when you are thinking "abhor" you might slip and say "I absolutely abhor that!" revealing your real motive).
Sometimes when they are trying to cover their tracks and they are hyper-focused on putting their own spin on it, what they are talking about is what they are subconsciously dealing with. There must be some level of minimizing this information. But let's talk a minute about how boundaries play into this as well...
One of the sneakiest tricks that pathologicals often use in relationships is to 'test' your boundary levels. I have had pathologicals tell me that they 'choose' their relationships based on loose, weak, or inconsistent boundaries.
How they test that is they will do something very small as a boundary violation. It could be so small that it doesn't register with you (and that could be because unless it's a HUGE boundary violation you're not recognizing it). It could something as superficial as being 20 minutes late, forgetting his wallet, forgetting a date, or calling his ex by a foul name and you not confronting him.
They test to see what you react and respond to and what you don't. So if you don't confront boundary violations up front, it's a green light to a pathological. He'll test it further the next time and keep moving the bar higher to see just how 'limber' you are when it comes to tolerating his behavior.... these are all boundary violations that he tests in order to determine your 'workability' in his plan.
I wish to thank The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction & Public for posting this at:
http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com/2008/10/boundaries-you-them-path ologi cal.html
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