Tuesday, 27 October 2009

BSF Women To Guard Indo-Pak Border!

The Indian Border Security Force (BSF) has inducted women for the first time to guard the Indo-Pak border in Punjab from Friday (today).

Why they decided to liberate ‘naris in saris’ in our direction is a question that can best be answered by any elected member of our overpopulated provincial and national assemblies, but please understand one thing. This is a scheme sponsored by the Bollywood feminists; they have not only done away with the clothing of shame that their thousands of gods and goddesses highly recommended but also shed the one that their mothers chose for them during pre-puberty days.

The other side is also unmindful of the fact that our border patrollers wear trousers—with their hands playing pocket-polo all the time—and will find the Banarasi saris a major distraction. We live in an age when full-body ‘hijabs’ and long flowing beards will—they claim—save us from eternal damnation if not from explosive situations in major cities.

But why have so many Indian ladies join the men at the border who were, I believe, good patrollers since birth to begin with? Gender equality, women’s liberation, emancipation, empowerment?—what is the matter with incredible India?
“All 178 women will be posted at the international border,” BSF Punjab Frontier Deputy Inspector General (DIG) Jagir Singh told the Indo-Asian News Service (IANS) on Thursday.

Only India can do that; if it were our side employing that many chaste ladies, they would all have to be accompanied on duty by egoistic brothers with long flowing beards—just in case, someone from across the border harassed the ladies.
“While the majority will take up their assignment along the 553km-long fenced Indo-Pak border in Punjab, 60 of them would later be posted on the India-Bangladesh border,” he DIG said.

How will the 178 ‘naris in saris’ be trained to guard the long border? I have no doubt about how democratically open the allocation process will be for the benefit of Indian lady patrollers but suffice to say, our side must not even get a hint of the plan. With nearly one whole-wheat lady for each six kilometres of the border, I presume, in between each lady will be placed five men. Although the women will perform non-combat duties, BSF officials say ‘they are fully trained for patrolling and other combat tasks’.

Now what kind or unkind combat is the other side talking about? No man in his senses will suggest that women need combat training when from day one of their births—all save the spiritually clean—are equipped with a tongue that can lash out in every possible direction. And all—save an odd few on Earth—possess the talent of patrolling shopping malls in search of just the right piece of clothing or fashion accessory to wear the same evening.

It gives me great hope when I think that the 178 ‘naris in saris’ will not be assigned combat duties of the sort fit for an army. With our army spread all over like peanut butter over Mrikan-baked white bread—combating global error-ism in all forms—how would we be able to cope if the Indian women patrollers attacked us and seduced us all into indulging in mortal if not immoral combat?

I humbly request the Indian government to reconsider their decision. If putting the scheme in a diaper appears difficult, the least that one expects is a spanner thrown into the nude works of the Bollywood lot.

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