Writer's Block tgh

Sunday, 16 May 2010

Bollywood Song Parodies By Tahir Gul Hasan

Saturday, 8 May 2010

Being Economically Dressed In Ukraine

The West always oppresses and taunts Muslim women for covering their faces and sometimes, entire bodies. They obviously never look at modestly dressed Christian nuns; such are the snide moves that the secularists make—not that I advocate that awful full-body battle apparel called ‘Burqa’.

Our women can and do protest but mostly in their feminine hearts. By contrast, the liberated Western women expose themselves to their admirers to sometimes launch completely or partially nude protests in full view of the public. Let us not call their condition ‘nude’ but rather one where they are very economically clad—thanks to this itch to unclothe due to global warming. Their unhappy exposure appears to have some link with the climate change that we are told is taking place all around Al Gore and his pseudo science thugs.

Ukraine is a great country—it is unfortunate that comedian Borat only spanks Kazakistan in his comedy shows (watch his movie: ‘Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan’). So what wrong did Ukraine do? They did this. Four young women—very economically dressed from the waist up—forcefully moved into a Ukrainian polling station to hold an unruly protest just before a candidate in the country’s presidential election cast his ballot there. One can imagine the effect that might have had on the poor male voters lined up to—of all the things—push a piece of paper into a barren ballot box.

Photographers are lucky people by a poor deprived person’s standards. An AFP photographer saw the women, members of a small feminist group called ‘Femen’ known for staging eye-catching protests, being hustled out of the Kiev polling station by security guards (let us call them ‘Naked Fight Coordinators’) before candidate Viktor Yanukovich showed up to vote. And poor Viktor Yanukovich missed the entire flesh exposure. I think he might have rejoiced in the fact that it does not matter who castes the votes, what matters is who counts them.

“Enough raping our democracy!” shouted the protesters, who held signs with slogans such as ‘Help! Rape!’ and wore nothing except for jeans and strips of green electrical tape.

Whether pasting green electrical tape on one’s chest or being a Greenpeace activist, anything green is considered good these days—now that the politicians have run out of promises.

When Ukrainian women are so open about politics, one need not worry about the silent men. The women told reporters they were protesting ‘the end of democracy’ in Ukraine and not specifically against Yanukovich or in favour of his rival, Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko. We are not told what the men said about the demise of democracy.

Femen, whose members are mostly university students, attracted international attention last summer when it held a protest against Ukraine’s sex tourism trade where activists picketed in central Kiev wearing bras and panties.

If taking one’s clothes off as part of public protest is what they call true democracy and freedom of speech, Pakistan’s debauched elites would love to listen to overt American suggestions while ignoring the calls of all bearded and veiled tyrants.

Bras and panties cover, they hold things together nicely. The reason why Russia broke up into many small countries is that they ran out of red bras and panties that previously held together the Communist political system of the same colour.

Saturday, 1 May 2010

Bill Turns To Stone

Last winter thousands of ethnic Albanians braved low temperatures and a cold wind in Pristina, Kosovo’s capital, to welcome former US president Bill Clinton as he attended the unveiling of an 11-foot statue of himself on a key boulevard that also bears his name.

Clinton is celebrated as a hero by Kosovo’s ethnic Albanian majority for launching NATO’s bombing campaign against Yugoslavia in 1999 that stopped the brutal Serb forces’ crackdown on independence-seeking ethnic Albanians. This is Clinton’s first visit to Kosovo since it declared independence from Serbia last year.

Many waved American, Albanian and Kosovo flags and chanted “USA!” as the former president climbed on top of a podium with his poster in the background that read ‘Kosovo honours a hero’. The statue stood on top of a white-tiled base in the tiny square surrounded by communist-era buildings.

Nations raise statues of great men who are sometimes later blamed for the destruction and plunder of the same lands; the disgusted people then happily spit or beat with shoes the images of the heroes of their past. In recent history, we have witnessed such delightful spectacles in Russia and Iraq.

To name boulevards after sinful Bill is one thing but to erect statues in his tarnished name is paying undeserved homage to Oval Office erections. There was one flaw with the piece of public art: White House intern Monica Lewinsky’s marble lips were not shown attached to a readily excitable part of old Bill’s anatomy.

Even if the sculptures were to be condemned as un-Islamic in Pakistan, we need statues of our semi literate semi great men in public squares because the public needs to vent out its anger on powerless stone demigods.