Sunday, 25 October 2009

The Job Of The Broken (porcelain) Dil(do)

WARNING: Parents over eighteen years of age must be accompanied by their children when reading this.

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Dear adults:

Kundan Lal Sehgal drank like a fish; he survived ten years of it but his alcoholism was too advanced for even a single attempt at abstinence. He breathed his last in his ancestral city of Jalandhar on January 18, 1947, at the age of 42. KL was survived by a wife and three children.

Shortly before he passed away, he was able to sing three more hits composed by the legendary Naushad, for the film Shahjehan (1946). One of the songs was Jab Dil Hi Toot Gaya.

Did KL require blowing his cover (if nothing else), with his appearance in flesh in this song? But he did, way back prior to India’s partition.

The room is littered with the final draft of INDUS-IAN PLAYBOY’s first edition; Hughes Hefner was away on maternity leave. A hookah is shown filled with the stuff that makes one go ‘hmmm’.

Those were the glorious days of the porcelain dildo, a device whose sudden appearance in Delhi made the pale ladies from Britannia blush voluntarily. It was the inadvertent destruction of this secret Chinese import that made KL write this song.

And now the news in English (happy Fouz?):

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The job of the broken (porcelain) dil(do) – 2X
What shall we do, gee (Mr Wilson)? - 2X
The job of the broken (porcelain) dil(do) - 2X
[We now see KL in full view, sporting a surrealistic Salvador Dali moustache, wearing a WW-I beret, staring in space, and wearing a ‘dupatta’ he stole from an aunt who eloped]

The diva of Ola the fat (one), I lit up in my heart -2X
With Uma(Thurman’s) deflowering, I decorated this den - 2X
(But) a baddy robbed me - 2X
What shall we do, gee (Mr Wilson)? - 2X
The job of the broken (porcelain) dil(do)

I had no (bloody) idea, my (wicked) ways would mush (my) baby-killer (contraceptive)
Mush (my) baby-killer (contraceptive)
I had no (bloody) idea, my (wicked) ways would mush (my) baby-killer (contraceptive)
Mush (my) baby-killer (contraceptive)
(Giorgio) Armani’s flowing tears had my rat bring on the oohs and aahs - 2X
Every Sathi (condom caused a premature) e-Jack-elation – 2X

What shall we do, gee (Mr Wilson)? - 2X
The job of the broken (porcelain) dil(do)


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