Monday, 8 March 2010

Ranch, Love-Gum, Woes

SEVERE WARNING: Parents who are under twenty-one years of age, must be accompanied by precocious children when reading this.

With the above lame disclaimer out of my way, allow me to deliver what I promised you eager fans: an old ditty with a ‘new improved’ face—thanks to the performance of satirical cosmic surgery on this great old ditty.

If you wish to enjoy what I have done here, please open the song's video in a separate window of your browser and let it play, while you scroll to read my reintrepetated lyrics in this window.

This song stars Nivedita (as the other woman at the piano), Waheeda Rahman (as the real woman without a piano), and Kanwaljeet (as the bloke who is stuck between the pretty devils and the deep blue sea-saw of love).

Do not be surprised if, by the end of the song, you end up loving Nivedita’s baby face; the subtle spotlight on her lips lends her the desireable mystique of the other woman.

Waheeda Rahman was born in Tamil Nadu (India) and actually wound up marrying the man shown in this movie—so much for family planning in the movie industry.

I have not seen the entire movie but in this song, Kanwaljeet, who appears ready to marry the real woman also hopelessly appears to be in love with the piano-playing other women. While he may not know what he is getting onto, the keyboardist knows what ivories and ebonies to sound.

The triangle appears good and natural enough, add to that the counterfeit whiskey that appears to be causing to our man massive liver damage—something he does not mind at all.

Here is the inside insidious story of the lyrics. Enjoy!

Music: Khayyam
lyrics: Sahir Ludhianvi
Movie: Shagoon (from 1964)
Singer: Jagjit Kaur (Khayyam's wife)

***

(O baby) gimme your ranch, all of the (love) gum, your (financial) woes
In the name of the (love) gum, give me V. Ronnie’s Dell (laptop) – 2X


I confess (under sadomasochistic conditions), in your eyes I’m not a (broadband) cable – 2X
What (TF) is so bad about giving me your (rubber) duck and (a lock of) hair, Ronnie? – 2X


Let me see (HTF) does this world messes you up – 2X
Let me take possession of you for a few days (alongwith the password of your ATM card) – 2X


The (latest) Dell (laptop) that I ordered, you gave away for free to (female) strangers – 2X
It’ll be a big (bloody) deal if you pay me in cash (the money you owe me for my services) – 2X

21 comments:

  1. Its funny.. the usual TGH masala.

    I am wondering though why Waheeda gets to be called the Real Woman and the sweet, selfless girl is the Other woman??

    I am sure you can guess who this is :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. What's the infatuation with the computers now?
    I'll call this the hi-tech masala!

    Arshia

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous (other one):

    I'll have to see the movie to decide if the other woman is the selfless real woman.

    Who are you, anyway?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous (real one):

    Look, calling good old 'dil' DILDO has been done already in my previous parodies. Now it is DELL time. What brand do you use?

    ReplyDelete
  5. The follwing are the comments from the introductory blog called 'GIVE IT TO ME BABY' which I removed when I posted this promised blog.

    Anonymous said...
    will wait to see your commentary on the song, but your perspective so far is funny... hurry up and perform your satirical surgery!

    Jhilmil
    March 3, 2010 4:17 AM

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    TGH said...
    I need rubber gloves, sterilized implements and a posh 'naqab-posh' assistant! Who will help here?

    March 3, 2010 5:02 AM

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    Anonymous said...
    As I said love this song.

    M.
    March 3, 2010 10:28 PM

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    TGH said...
    M, are you volunteering as an assistant?
    Did you pay attention to the lyrics?

    March 4, 2010 3:42 AM

    ***

    aukha said...
    after watchin veedeo i tell girl to give it to me baby . .she slap me hard ..why you give wrongg advise to peepls with cute cheek . ? duso meno

    March 4, 2010 4:38 AM

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    Anonymous said...
    I have known the lyrics since i was in college.... old habits die hard.

    I am afraid I am not the assistant material :)

    M.
    March 4, 2010 11:14 PM

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    Anonymous said...
    Finally viewed the video!
    Liked their lighting effects!!!
    With the whole bottle of booze, he's bound to have a headache!

    Arshia.
    March 6, 2010 12:04 AM

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    TGH said...
    Arshia, aap ko kaka mubarik ho! I knew you'd be struck by the subtle lighting (if not lightening) of this shoot.

    March 6, 2010 8:07 AM

    ReplyDelete
  6. we need a song for monkeys now to cure vermons like javed haddi.

    t-man what say you?

    Bilal

    ReplyDelete
  7. T-man is with the fans, the fans are not with T-man somehow.

    I don't even wish to know.

    ReplyDelete
  8. camon man, don't be a cry baby, no one's against you, well apart from the usual bunch employed by CS. they will rant and rant. let them be.

    cheer up t-man, sub changa ha.

    Bilal

    ReplyDelete
  9. I am the DELL wala person, if not the dil wala :)

    Arshia.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Your reintrepetated lyrics describe 21st century love.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Of course Billy, subb changa hey! I'm a protest-man, not a cry-baby!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Zaina, what other century do you wish to live in. Yeh SMSs aur Emails ka zalim zamana hey! Jee!

    ReplyDelete
  13. I would want to live half a century back. Every zamana has its own zulms.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Zaina, take some of us with you then!

    ReplyDelete
  15. T-Man, thats only one of the promissed songs..when is the second one coming?

    M.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Nobody wants to come and give me the opportunity to say, “Thanks for coming with me”. Therefore, I am trying to live in 21st Century.

    Do you want to come?

    ReplyDelete
  17. Which second song, M?

    ***

    Z, when are you booked to enter the Time Tunnel?

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. I will cancel all appointments booked in my 21st century calendar to enter the time tunnel asap. Tell me where the hell this time machine is? I cannot wait to take Kanwaljeet out of this sad situation and comb his hair.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Zaina, forget the lice in Kanwaljeet's hair; focus instead on getting yourself back in shape.

    ReplyDelete
  20. that was all good entertainment:) i think tahir sahab sh'd start a television show! and it sh'd come at prime time. i'm sure people will stop watching the stupid-romanticised dramas, and w'd soon switch to his show/drama/wthever he can come up with. i already vow to be a devoted viewer:))

    ReplyDelete
  21. Nauma, thanks very much for the appreciation! You may wish to send your suggestion to all the channel heads. I can't wait to show myself unplugged!
    Anyway, do give romance a fair chance too.
    :)

    ReplyDelete