Friday, 17 June 2011

Pakistan’s State Emblem Explained

More out of curiosity and driven less by misplaced patriotism I decided to check what the strange emblem on a Pakistani passport represented.

Since nobody lies better than a government, I visited a government website to find some answers.

The site proudly explains the state emblem of Pakistan as ‘approved by the Central Government in 1954' and which 'symbolises Pakistan's ideological foundation, its cultural heritage, the guiding principles and the basis of its economic strength.’

If you look around, such official proclamations made with martial zeal have already been blown to smithereens, courtesy of suicide bombers and American drone-attacks. Let us now dissect the official statement further.

First...

The foundation of the state has been shaken to the core by repeated undemocratic interruptions by MISKUs (men in starched khaki uniforms) who were corrupted by MISSs (men in safari-suits), and both 'helped' covertly by MIBs (men in black) employed by the WWW (White-Washed House of Washing-Town).

At the time of independence in 1947, Pakistan’s foundation was fool-proof; it was never upgraded to 'duffer'-proof level. 
All that concrete and steel of our 'Pak' structure has now turned into mud and hay, and the ground on which the state currently stands shakes every day because of American killer drones that take off from airfields rented out by our own flying 'protectors'.

God abhors killing and corruption in all forms, hence no sane person ought to press the LIKE button of terrorism in all its forms.

Second...


Our cultural heritage until a few years ago was intact. It was beautifully being represented every spring by the kite-flying festival of basant which is now banned by a government that does not care about how people enjoy.

Behind the basant-ban are the murderous mullahs and men who wear wigs when they judge, never flew kites and never played with marbles. Some obscurantist groups quote obscure episodes from a fabricated history to justify the ban on basant and attack all 
celebrations that the inhabitants of the Indo-Pak sub-continent enjoyed together for centuries without hacking each other to pieces.

Had this group of mullahs been more vigilant regarding the legal sanction given to military dictators, we might have fared better. Kite-flying using t
raditional cotton thread never was the problem until the deadly metal wire came along and which only some pranksters used.

Why must the whole festival or the thousands of artisans connected with the kites and thread making industry suffer? Surprisingly, the rulers consider lack of utilities, escalating inflation, rising crime rate, drone attacks, the failing security apparatus and other ‘threats’ to our necks as God’s Will.

The impotent PTDC (Pakistan Tourism Development Corporation) still exists but tourism is all but destroyed in peaceful places like Swat whose three million inhabitants were bombed and turned into displaced persons in their own country by the 'security forces'.


Where do we take our children for sight-seeing? The Presidency, Federal buildings of a heavily guarded cultural wasteland called Islamabad or the GHQ where our collective fate is re-written every day while foreign agents dip their 'intelligence' biscuits in our hot tea?

Third...


Where can we see those ‘guiding principles’ in action which we have been taught to worship like a golden calf? What did poet Allama Iqbal mean by his ode to Hindustan? Who, if not the Anglophiles, the mullahs and the feudal lords have truly benefitted from the creation of a 'separate homeland for Indian Muslims' by Mr Muhammad Ali Jinabhai and his rich league of Nawabs and industrialists? What shall the common man do?

Hollow are the words that we hear ad nauseam in official speeches or as lyrics of national songs sung by shrill out-of-tune pop singers. Allama Iqbal, the poet of the east, who gave us loads of vision and pride in being Muslims, must turn in his grave situated at the foot of the Badshahi mosque of Lahore. Armed guards at his mausoleum’s door ensure that he never steps out to chastise with his walking stick the mis-leaders who trample upon the ideals of Pakistan.

The same security is ensured at Jinnah’s white marble mausoleum in Karachi. Our leaders do not go there to offer fatiha (Qur’anic prayer) but to mumble apologies for their misdeeds and to cry crocodile tears, yet year after year they proceed on all-expenses paid pilgrimage trips to Makkah to wash away the guilt that seems to multiply like rabbits.

Fourth...


And at last we come to the mirage of ‘economic growth’. In which jungle is this animal found, on which tree does this bird sing, from which branch does this monkey swing? Where is this growth that the World Bank’s banksters and the International Monetary Fund’s gangsters promise us each time they feed us with un-blessed usurious money? Economic growth is now a lame mad dog that barks at each car because it cannot comprehend how to capitalize on golden opportunities that whiz by.

With scarcely a Volt or a Watt of electricity available, and with a dwindling natural gas supply, on what crutches will we run to become like 'Asian tigers' Japan, Korea, or China? Has our friendship with China overhauled our railways or the urban transportation systems? Have we asked China to stop flooding our markets with cheap products in order to protect our own industries of sports goods, surgical instruments, and hand-made carpets? No is an answer common to all of the above questions.


The government website goes further to claim that ‘the four ingredients of the emblem are the crescent and star crest at the top; traditional symbols of Islam’.

In Hollywood movies and cartoons we invariably see witches’ hats adorned with the crescent and star symbol. Have the witches become Muslims or have they applied for Pakistani nationality?

The star symbolizes the sun which represents the son of light, or Lucifer. The crescent represents Diana, the pagan goddess of hunting. The owl is considered foolish in the east but wise in the west because it is worshipped as Satan at the Bohemian Grove. Does our crescent and star depict goodness?

The last messenger of Allah never used such symbols, leave alone salute them or force others to do the same in public.


Evil promotes dark symbolism and wicked numerology because it needs a disguise to fool mankind. The American dollar bill’s symbolism is a case in point.

Evil has its own favourite signs and numbers and these need to be recognised and rejected by those who can see through the smokescreen. Just because the creators of our national insignia were not well-informed must not make us disregard the true meanings associated with occult symbols.

Just because we use the lunar calendar for our religious festivals must also not mean that the moon is Islam’s sacred symbol. Before Islamic states and Muslim leaders adopted the moon symbol, pagans and enemies of God used it too. Why must the moon symbol compete with the Christian cross which represents the apparent crucifixion (religious-political assassination) of Christ?


You may research for yourself how the ancient cultures (such as the Sumerians and Greeks) used the symbols of the crescent and the star on ancient coins.

Further, we are told that ‘the shield in the centre, with four partitions, shows cotton, wheat, tea and jute. These are the main crops of Pakistan and signify the strong agriculture based economy.’

In 1971, the collective stupidity of the politicians and the excesses committed by a defeated army (that later surrendered) caused the loss of East Pakistan (later Bangladesh). Hence, jute and tea should no more be included in the state emblem since they are harsh reminders of the west Pakistanis exploiting the east Pakistani Bengalis. Bangladesh is better off now than it was in the past because her government is sending to the gallows Jama'at-e-Islami mullahs who participated in the genocide.

As for cotton crops, Pakistan faces an onslaught of the Amreeki sundi (American worm) which arrived here under diplomatic cover, much like murderer Raymond Davis and others of his ilk did. Tons of our raw cotton is exported to countries whose cheap slave labourer force stitches shirts in sweatshops and then exports the expensive apparel back to us.

As for wheat, it is being smuggled out to Afghanistan to create artificial shortages most suited to smugglers. In turn, the government procures rotten wheat from the Americans which it wants mixed with our own high quality wheat and then sold to the starving masses. Indeed the devil enters one through the stomach.

It is claimed that ‘the wreath surrounding the shield in the logo is ‘a reproduction of the floral designs used in traditional Mughal art. Its inclusion in the design reminds of the nation's cultural heritage.’

The fact is the government is not interested in reminding the masses of liberal pagan times during which our trade links extended from China to Mesopotamia. Since we were not all Muslims back then, those pages of history are gleaned over conveniently as if being proud of our ancient roots is something very shameful. We had plenty of culture before the Mongols or Muhammad bin Qasim landed here. It was the Persians who softened the cruel tribal name of the raiding Mongols and re-named them Mughals.

And finally, the scroll supporting the shield carries the Urdu version of Qaed-e-Azam's famous motto: Faith, Unity, Discipline. The website claims ‘these three words articulate the guiding principles for the nation'.

Here I will remind you of Ta’leem-e-Balighan, Khawaja Mueenuddin’s classic play written in 1954 and telecast prior to 1971. Incidentally, 1971 was the year in which we lost half of Pakistan not to India or to the Bengalis but to our own prejudices.


The playwright explains unity, faith and discipline while looking at three broken ghara (earthenware meant for storing water in rural areas). The satirist compared the state of affairs with shattered earthenware and declared that 'none of the original ideals could be seen any more in the ideology of Pakistan'. He wrote the lines fifty-seven years ago and the truth still rings today.


Why has faith, as revealed in the noble Qur’an and taught by the messenger of Allah, turned so violent with the accursed arrival of American forces in Afghanistan? Count the militant groups we created using petro-dollars and which blow ordinary citizens to smithereens. Pakistanis have reacted sharply to the recent cold-blooded murders of Chechens in Quetta, that of journalist Saleem Shahzad, and a youth in Karachi at the Rangers' hands.

When fearless attacks on the Navy, the Air Force and the Army take place here apparently sane 'educated' people never tire of eulogizing the loss of life that ‘security forces’ alone seem to suffer. The same people treat the General Headquarters as holy ground and label all critics of the establishment as 'traitors', 'terrorists' and 'RAW agents'.

What of unity? Provinces are tired of being parts of a federation for whose creation one million people lost their lives during the communal riots engineered by the departing British.


Our politicians would rather rename the NWFP (North West Frontier Province) 'Khyber Pakhtoonkhwa' and carve out more provinces so that more ministries may be created and more bulletproof BMWs may land on our shores.

The common perception is that discipline and democracy only exists in the armed forces. The fact is that while 
disobedience there invites a court marshal, young officers still dream of walking in the footsteps of military dictators like Ayub Khan, Yahya Khan, Zia-ul-Haq and Pervez Musharraf.

The promise of owning dozens of fair wide-eyed virgins is almost as good as snatching the of power from 'bloody civilians'. The ‘bloody civilians’ do not hold Pharaoh’s batons under their arms, salute everything that moves, paint trees in cantonments, point guns at their own brethren, patrol the unsafe streets in fancy jeeps or dream of residential plots in suburbs that were once productive fields.

Here I rest my case and recommend that they explain what the state emblem means. If they are unable to re-design the logo, they must at least re-write the text quoted above in order to reflect reality. May the souls of the founding fathers rest in peace until resurrection day.

Now listen to what the Allama's own son, Justice Javaid Iqbal, has to say about India, Hindus, and Pakistan:



©Tahir Gul Hasan 2011



Thursday, 9 June 2011

Zamzama: A Letter To The Editor

Zamzama cannonSir:

I have noticed that the press tends to reinforce in the public mind the name of Lahore’s famous cannon as Kim’s Gun, which is not its real name but Zamzama is.
What needs to be recalled here for the benefit of the readers is that the said cannon was cast under the order of Shah Wali Khan, prime minister of the Abdali king, Ahmed Shah Durrani.
The last Persian line on the plaque over the cannon’s side forms a chronogram—a phrase in which each letter has a numerical value, and which when added, gives a specific date. Interestingly, the gunsmith, Shah Nazeer, cast not one but two such cannons at Lahore.
The reason the Anglophiles call the cannon Kim’s Gun has some history attached to it. The Nobel laureate of 1907, British writer Rudyard Kipling, who worked in 1882 for The Civil And Military Gazette of Lahore, wrote in his novel called Kim:
 
“Who hold Zam-Zammah, that ‘fire-breathing dragon’, hold the Punjab, for the great green-bronze piece is always first of the conqueror’s loot.”

It is clear from Kipling’s novel that he knew the cannon’s real name whereas our press mostly does not, and which shows that not many have read the English writer who introduced many Urdu and Hindi words into his works.

Kim, the fictional character in Kipling’s novel, is an Irish orphan boy in Lahore who is taught espionage. Interestingly, Chief Boy Scout, Lord Baden Powell, used a game called Kim’s Game (inspired by Kipling, of course) for training boy-scouts when he lived in pre-partition India. Both, Kipling and Powell, belonged to a very controversial secret society which Prime Minister Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto banned in Pakistan.

Suffice to say, Zamazama, this great relic from our historic past has details too numerous to be recounted in a letter. Therefore, the cannon need not be incorrectly associated with the title of Rudyard Kipling’s novel.

Today, Zamzama stands silently on its enormous wooden wheels over The Mall, opposite the Lahore Museum, embedded in the collective sub-consciousness of the people of the city. The least we can do is call it by its real name: Zamzama.

©Tahir Gul Hasan 2011

Friday, 27 May 2011

Pippa ‘Butt’ Middleton

When Prince William (Duke of Cambridge) entered his ‘Made in England’ marital paradise, millions of people chose to focus not on the bride but rather on the sister-in-law, Pippa Middleton, who flashed her fleshy rear bumper not as curvaceous as a Ferrari’s.

That sinking feeling

During the royal wedding, the British society remained at great risk of sinking into an abyss of voluptuous bottoms. It might have been infinitely more fruitful for the English to recover from the prevailing ‘economic downturn’ instead of obsessing over Pippa’s rearmost. People missed a great opportunity to demand free fish and chips and ended up chasing after royal hindquarters.

Nobody can wake up someone who pretends to be asleep. The idea behind the expensive royal wedding ceremony was to make all Earthlings completely forget the financial spanking the money-masters have been giving to a captive global work-force. The public was expected to forget all woes for the duration of the royal puppet show in London.

How might one’s life improve by reading about ‘the fittest member of the monarchy’ or seeing ‘the nicest ass at the royal wedding’? We live in very dangerous times in which governments, instead of overhauling invasive foreign policies, help weaker regimes create ‘Big Brother’ police states all over the world. Humanity’s focus has been hijacked; trivia is intentionally being given maximum importance in our lives.

A new oath of allegiance

Pippa Middleton, by appearing at Kate’s wedding, set the cyberspace on fire and caused the Twitter website to crash.

Then Jimmy Wevell created on Facebook a page called ‘
Pippa Middleton Ass Appreciation Society’, where over 226,000 fans (and counting) swore true allegiance to Pippa’s derriere. He even intends to induct her into the ‘Butt Hall of Fame’—wherever that might be. Now this part of the anatomy in my part of the world is ritually thrashed by the police to extract ‘voluntary confessions’ from those who dare to cross the paths of the Law or the VIPs.

How many of you recall reciting the following?

I, (Insert full name), do swear that I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to Her Majesty (name withheld due to security concerns), her heirs and successors, according to law. So help me God.

Will we—God forbid—see a new oath of allegiance of British citizenship which might read as follows?


I, (insert your full name), do swear, without using four-letter swear words, that I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to Majestic Bums, the buttocks of heirs and successors, according to law. So help me dogs.

A large number of Pakistanis—with plenty of ifs and butts at their disposal—are now expected to seek citizenship of the United Kingdom to admire royal butts.

The osculum infame (Francesco Maria Guazzo's Compendium maleficarum of 1608)



Osculum infame

During the Victorian era, gentlemen kissed ladies’ gloved hands to show respect and brave men received knighthoods on bended knees; we are now living in an age in which the fanny of the likes of Jennifer Lopez command awesome respect and the greatest possible media coverage.

With all those magic-infused Harry Potter novels (‘modern literature’) casting mass spells over children, this obsession with buttocks might lead one to what witches do at the beginning of sabbats: offer ‘
The kiss of shame’ to the fundament of the devil and sometimes those of lower-ranking demons.

Because modern women have no use for chivalrous knights in shining armour, the knighthood manufacturing department of England is at risk of being shut down if it fails to give a new meaning to the honorific title of GBE—that of Knight Grand Cross of the Order of the Bottom End. What does the popular slogan of ‘God save the Queen’ mean these days when one cannot save one’s butts from uncontrollable inflation and increasing taxation?

How will future British children be reared—pun intended—in the traditional British way if unnatural emphasis were placed on royal rears? Will they introduce buttology as a new subject at Oxford? Does Britain’s favourite traditional fish and chips risk being renamed bums and hips?

Lucky to be in Pakistan

In Pakistani politics only two things may be considered worth kissing: the swagger sticks (or batons) at our General Headquarters or the hindquarters of a foreign power.


Here, if any ‘bloody civilian’ ever dares accusing a high-ranking serviceman of breaking the oath, his own hindquarters end up being in serious trouble. No journalist in his right mind dares making a curvaceous sarkari begum sahiba the butt of his joke, leave alone use colourful language to describe the fatty rear of a leader’s sister-in-law.

In rural areas, the punishment for a disgraceful act is this: the offender’s head and eyebrows are shaved before being given an ignominious donkey-ride through the streets, with children jeering, “Pagal, hee oye!” (literally: hey, madman!).

Bhabi means brother’s wife. In Pakistan, men normally address another man’s wife as bhabi. Do not be misled by Waheed Murad, our ‘chocolate hero’, who played a touchy-feely brother-in-law and thus perverted a pious relationship for the sake of a film. I warn you: DO NOT watch this video.

Hot-crossed buns

Instead of using a pendulum and a hypnotic voice suggesting, “You are falling asleep”, Pippa Middleton’s rear was used to cast a mass spell on billions of television viewers. True to their nature, the British tabloids first admired Pippa Middleton’s soft white silk dress and then sang praises of her equally white and 'lively rear that squirmed mesmerizingly’ as she followed her lucky sister down Westminster Abbey’s aisle.

While I am able to correctly interpret many body language signs, never have I tried decoding imaginary signals ‘mesmerizingly’ emanating from ‘squirming’ buttocks. Have you?

Some questions arise here. Why do most males tend to notice female cheeks? Is that part of their genetic makeup or have they been conditioned by events such as the one under scrutiny? Do Hollywood and the news media require severe censorship before anti-harassment laws are enforced?

It’s in my blue jeans

A British celebrity fitness expert has opined, “Not calorie-burning workouts but rather family genes play an important part in having a rounded backside as perfect as Pippa’s and a curvy long-legged figure like her mum Carole’s.”

We all know what happens in Pakistan if one brings into an argument someone’s mother, sister or daughter. Not only did this ‘expert’ comment on the daughter, he dragged in her ‘mum’ as well. His message is clear: in order for a woman to climb up the Darwinian ladder of evolution, she must possess royal family genes—whatever they look like under a microscope.

Being a man, I missed nothing by not watching Kate’s wedding. I assume plans are now afoot to boost British tourism by introducing yet more topless red busses in London to take newly-married couples and their in-laws for sightseeing the rear ends of genetically superior sisters-in-law.

You too, Gluteus?

The same royal trainer also opined: “Gluteus maximus is a big muscle that responds quickly to exercise, many of my clients want a body like Pippa’s. Her butt-toning secrets are: tennis and swimming all strokes except the breast-stroke.”

Pippa behind Kate's behind

Why, this must be supreme royal censorship? Were they able to keep Pandora’s snuff-box closed by not disclosing that Pippa does swim excellent breast stroke?

I know not how to swim or play tennis but here I am with my maximus talentus of making social commentus that receive an odd few hundred clickus each monthus on this blogus. How can I compete with Pippa Middleton’s gluteus, leave alone her royal bunsus which do better social workus than I could even dream of doing? In any case, her public display of a ‘squirming’ posterior gets more Facebook LIKEs in a day than I ever could in a lifetime.

Get your BUTT over here!

This British fitness expert who trains the royals to have perfect butts must now be held accountable by UK-settled Cash-Miris whose ‘Butt’ surnames are unfairly associated with the most backward and fatty part of the human frame.

Never mind if the Cash-Miris are famous for cooking and then consuming foods so fatty they make the word cholesterol blush, or that they love talking about food while consuming it, or that they possess bodies that lean people have nightmares about.

In care-free Cash-Miri company, one is bound to forget that a balanced nourishing diet and some physical exertion are fine habits. The Cash-Miris of Pakistan have given up all forms of physical exercise except one: that of demanding the exercise of constitutional rights for their kin across the Indo-Pak Line of Control.

From today on I will do strenuous cardio workouts, prefer extreme diets, take the stairs and never a lift, and ascend three steps at a time to bend the knees a bit more so that my gluteus maximus wakes up—God knows, it needs to. To ensure that I also meet exacting British ‘LMAO’ Standards, I intend to do another exercise that I recently devised: jumping into my trousers both legs at once.


©Tahir Gul Hasan 2011

Re-edited, 01 December 2019