The Line Of The Lord

I have no quarrel with Roman Catholics; they are taught to end up being sinless. While many Muslim bearded ones cause irreparable damage to our brain cells, the Church takes the cake for its novel religious innovations.

The Code of Canon Law requires all Catholics to confess mortal sins at least once a year. As a Muslim, I ask God directly for such forgiveness five times a day without any cleric taking over my soul.

We will closely look at what Catholic confessions mean but first allow me to announce the news that French Roman Catholics now have a pay-by-the-minute confession telephone line that charges 0.34 Euros plus a connection charge for mobile phones.

Bishops are upset over the religious stunt and Catholic leaders have stated that ‘the fraud had no approval from the Catholic Church in France’. This is how a male voice greets Catholics when they dial up the Le Fil Du Seigneur (The Line of the Lord): ‘For advice on confessing, press one. To confess, press two. To listen to some confessions, press three’.

A group of Catholics working for AABAS set up the phone confession service at the beginning of Lent (the forty days' Christian fast preceding Easter). The group’s leader admits that ‘it does not offer absolution for sins, but Catholics can confess minor sins. For actual absolution for sins, only a priest can help but the money from the calls got to charity’.

At this rate, all Catholics will soon outdo pious Muslims who insist on performing Umra and Hajj at Makkah, not one but multiple times. The Catholic Church, instead of helping people commit less sins, has taken upon itself to forgive them on behalf of God and His messengers.

Now let us see compare what the Church literature says with what God commands. My aim is not to offend or provoke but rather to help good Christians walk on a path prescribed by Prophet Jesus.

"There is no offense, however serious, that the Church cannot forgive." Pg. 256, #982

"By Christ's will, the Church possesses the power to forgive the sins of the baptized..." P. 257, #986

"The Church, who through the bishop and his priests forgives sins in the name of Jesus Christ..." Pg. 363-364, #1448

"Indeed bishops and priests, by virtue of the sacrament of Holy Orders, have the power to forgive all sins 'in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.'" P. 367, #1461

"The Church must be able to forgive all penitents their offenses, even if they should sin until the last moment of their lives." P. 255, #979

"Were there no forgiveness of sins in the Church, there would be no hope of life to come or eternal liberation. Let us thank God who has given his Church such a gift." P. 256, #983

Considering that the contents of the entire Bible do not come from God or from Jesus Christ (Prophet Isa for Muslims), let us look at what the Bible says about forgiveness of sins:

"Why doth this man thus speak blasphemies? Who can forgive sins but God only?" Mark 2:7

"And be ye kind one to another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." Ephesians 4:32

"Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:16

"I acknowledged my sin unto thee... I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the LORD; and thou forgavest the iniquity of my sin..." Psalm 32:5.

David asks God for forgiveness: "Wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight..." Psalm 51:2,4

King Solomon was also aware that he and the children of Israel could pray directly to God to seek forgiveness for their sins: "Hearken therefore unto the supplications of thy servant, and of thy people Israel, which they shall make toward this place: hear thou from thy dwelling place, even from heaven; and when thou hearest, forgive." 2 Chronicles 6:21

God commands people to come to Him for forgiveness: "If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land." 2 Chronicles 7:14

God does not require anyone to go through a church or a priest to seek forgiveness for their sins. "For thou, Lord, art good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee." Psalm 86:5

"... if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye." Colossians 3:13

"Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: Who forgiveth all thine iniquities..." Psalm 103:2-3

While almost all Christians agree that repentance and forgiveness of others are great virtues, and that forgiveness must be sought from God, many feel lost in the jungle of doctrinal differences about the process of forgiveness. This is how the books of Mark, Matthew, Luke and John justify it.

In Catholic doctrine, Jesus had the power to forgive sins (Matthew 9:2, Luke 5:20).

Jesus granted that authority also to His apostles (Matthew 16:18-19, Matthew 18:18, John 20:22-23).

What is the instrument used for this process? In Catholic doctrine, the authority to forgive sins remains with the Church through the bishops as successors of the apostles through the sacrament of Reconciliation (also known as confession or the sacrament of Penance). A sinner confesses his or her sins to the priest who assigns a penance (often some prayers to recite) and grants forgiveness and reconciliation with the Church ‘in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.’

The old school Protestant doctrine prefers severe penances such as fasts, pilgrimages and floggings. In the Middle Ages, the Roman Church made fortunes by selling ‘indulgences’ to reduce the severity of such penances in exchange for monetary contributions to the Church, and which led to the Protestant Reformation in the 16th century. Protestants naturally rejected the Roman Catholic Church's sacrament of Penance, its claims of apostolic succession, and its authority to forgive sins (1 Timothy 2:5).

Authority on doctrine was placed in ‘Scripture alone’ rather than in the Church. For most Protestants, the Church is instrumental in bringing people to repentance, but the power to forgive sins belongs to God and Christ alone.

According to the teaching of the Catholic Church, the Sacrament of Penance (Confession, Reconciliation or Penance according to Catechism of the Catholic Church, Sections 1423-1442) is the method given by Christ to the Church by which individual men and women may be freed from sins committed after receiving Baptism. It is not necessary to confess sins committed before baptism, as baptism itself is considered to remove the guilt of all prior sins.). While the official Church publications of the Latin-rite always refer to the sacrament as ‘Penance’, ‘Reconciliation or ‘Penance and Reconciliation’, the average Catholic continues to use the term ‘confession’.

In 1215, a requirement that every Catholic Christian receive this sacrament at least once a year was instituted in Canon 21, the famous "Omnis utriusque sexus", of the Canon Law at the Fourth Council of the Lateran. Catholics believe that no priest, as an individual man—no matter how pious—has the power to forgive sins apart from God. However, the priest does not merely announce that the penitent has received God's forgiveness but rather recites the formula of absolution and forgives the sins of the penitent in God's place. Hallelujah!

On Judgment Day, Christ will question the erring before God passes judgment on such novel religious innovations.

Ranch, Love-Gum, Woes

SEVERE WARNING: Parents who are under twenty-one years of age, must be accompanied by precocious children when reading this.

With the above lame disclaimer out of my way, allow me to deliver what I promised you eager fans: an old ditty with a ‘new improved’ face—thanks to the performance of satirical cosmic surgery on this great old ditty.

If you wish to enjoy what I have done here, please open the song's video in a separate window of your browser and let it play, while you scroll to read my reintrepetated lyrics in this window.

This song stars Nivedita (as the other woman at the piano), Waheeda Rahman (as the real woman without a piano), and Kanwaljeet (as the bloke who is stuck between the pretty devils and the deep blue sea-saw of love).

Do not be surprised if, by the end of the song, you end up loving Nivedita’s baby face; the subtle spotlight on her lips lends her the desireable mystique of the other woman.

Waheeda Rahman was born in Tamil Nadu (India) and actually wound up marrying the man shown in this movie—so much for family planning in the movie industry.

I have not seen the entire movie but in this song, Kanwaljeet, who appears ready to marry the real woman also hopelessly appears to be in love with the piano-playing other women. While he may not know what he is getting onto, the keyboardist knows what ivories and ebonies to sound.

The triangle appears good and natural enough, add to that the counterfeit whiskey that appears to be causing to our man massive liver damage—something he does not mind at all.

Here is the inside insidious story of the lyrics. Enjoy!

Music: Khayyam
lyrics: Sahir Ludhianvi
Movie: Shagoon (from 1964)
Singer: Jagjit Kaur (Khayyam's wife)

***

(O baby) gimme your ranch, all of the (love) gum, your (financial) woes
In the name of the (love) gum, give me V. Ronnie’s Dell (laptop) – 2X


I confess (under sadomasochistic conditions), in your eyes I’m not a (broadband) cable – 2X
What (TF) is so bad about giving me your (rubber) duck and (a lock of) hair, Ronnie? – 2X


Let me see (HTF) does this world messes you up – 2X
Let me take possession of you for a few days (alongwith the password of your ATM card) – 2X


The (latest) Dell (laptop) that I ordered, you gave away for free to (female) strangers – 2X
It’ll be a big (bloody) deal if you pay me in cash (the money you owe me for my services) – 2X

Anti-Aging Cream For 950 Years

I have always wondered about the anti-aging creams used by those who lived before us because they lived up to as long as 950 years—Prophet Noah being the best example of a grand old man. If I get lucky, I might touch sixty-five, and if my father gets luckier, he might outlive me; he is already eighty-six years old and going strong.

I have always believed that the Earth revolved at a much faster rate far back in time. The days were much shorter due to one other important factor: the lunar months being shorter than solar ones. With zero stress in life and unlimited natural resources at one’s disposal, one lived on for centuries until Death decided to issue a Gold debit card.

Richard Gross, a scientist at Nasa's Jet Propulsion Laboratory in California, has calculated how much the axis may have changed in position following the recent earthquake in Chile. For those who cannot get over the pseudo-science of global warming caused by human activity, the thought of the magnetic pole shifting from here to there by a few centimetres every time an earthquake occurs might be too much to bear. The wonderful men of science wearing white coats tell us that that indeed happens without our noticing Mother Earth’s shifting mood.

Major Earthquakes can cause minor polar shifts. The recent earthquake, the most powerful to hit Chile in fifty years, killed more than 700 people, affected an estimated two million people with its 8.8-magnitude tremor followed by tsunamis. The earthquake sent shockwaves out from the epicentre 70 miles from Chile's second city, Concepcion. Richard Gross has calculated that if the planet's axis did shift by 8cm during the recent earthquake, days would have shortened by 1.26 microseconds. A microsecond is one-millionth of a second.

We all know that Earth days are 24 hours long because the planet takes this many hours to perform one rotational tango on its axis, hence a shifting of the axis would affect rotation. While the 9.1-magnitude tremor of Indonesia started the deadly tsunami in Asia in 2004, the Chilean earthquake shifted the Earth's axis by even more than that, according to the men of science. This was partly because the fault line responsible for the quake in Chile dips into Earth at a slightly steeper angle than does the fault responsible for the 2004 Sumatran earthquake. The different angle made the Chilean tremor was more effective at moving Earth's mass vertically and shifting the planet's axis.

Please remember that California, and specially the decadent Hollywood, lives right on the geographical and moral fault-line. One nod from the sky and the entire Box Office will be lost forever.

The 2004 earthquake of Indonesia, which killed hundreds of thousands of people, caused the Earth to move by approximately 7cm and shortened the day by an estimated 6.8 microseconds.

The combined 8.06 microseconds off the clock each day also means that those who say ‘time is money’ are at a great loss. Indeed the Qur’an’s chapter 103, The Flight Of Time, states clearly in verses 1 and 2: “CONSIDER the flight of time! (2) Verily, man is bound to lose (i.e. in a state of loss) himself.” It then indicates who will not lose themselves in the rat race of Time and Life.