Of Drone Pimps and Prostitutes

Pakistan cannot oppose US drone strikes in Balochistan as Washington can do “whatever it pleases” because it is “paying money” to the country, Balochistan Governor Zulfiqar Magsi said on Saturday.

Talking to reporters after chairing a seminar at a local hotel, Magsi said Pakistan did not have an option in the matter. “You cannot oppose someone who pays you money. The US is paying money to Pakistan. How can we oppose it? It will do whatever it pleases,” the governor said.

May I ask Mr Magsi, why we cannot oppose the continued destruction of this lovely country, why we cannot say no to sacks of American currency and arms being flown in unchecked, why the sold-out rulers insist on selling us all repeatedly to the same broker of human flesh?

First, we need to say no to foreign aid. This means tightening the belts of our rulers, and not those of the crushed masses. Worthless turncoats occupy our equally worthless provincial assemblies and parliaments; it is they who need to be banished from this country, this move alone could save us billions.

Second, we need to get our act together to form regional power blocks while maintaining only diplomatic relations with those who are not aligned with our national interests—provided we first define what our national interests are. We need good relations with our wall-to-wall neighbours; we do not need a rascal government sitting across the Atlantic implementing the plan of our destruction.

Third, we must oppose the great Allied deception at every level, no matter what the consequences. The masses are not afraid, although they are inundated with wrong utility bills, excessive taxes and shortage of grocery items. All this is a deliberate plan so that the citizens find neither time nor energy to resist those who have borrowed money nationally and internationally at exhorbitant interest rates. It is the rulers who are afraid, not the masses. And it is the defeated rulers who will garland the American troops when they march in to take over large pieces of our land—may that day never come. For now, the people too are busy preparing a garland; a garland of old shoes for those who dream of bloodshed and destruction.

Will we, as Muslims, provide the same excuses to ourselves if the world’s greatest aggressor, America, decides to pays our men money to dance naked in the streets?—an extreme example under such extreme conditions. The time is ripe for us to pray for the destruction of the Pharaoh of our times and decide, finally, that we are not a bottle of peanut butter on an American superstore’s shelf.

Those who have ample experience in the feild of horizontal entertainment say that even prostitutes have principles. The question is, can a nation learn from the aberration of its own society?

***

There have been “discussions in Congress, and a lot of different places, to expand the area” of drone attacks, the House Armed Services Subcommittee on Terrorism chairman said on Saturday. Adam Smith said he would not provide details, but a US government official said discussions were underway to expand those attacks into Balochistan.

Other officials spoke on condition of anonymity because the drone programme is classified and decisions on the programme are not yet final. The officials said the stepped-up moves against the Taliban networks could extend the air strikes further south, beyond the current target areas in Waziristan and into Balochistan.

US special operations forces are also developing plans to expand their training of Pakistan’s paramilitary Frontier Corps operating in Balochistan.

Please note carefully the plans of taking this American war on error down south into other parts of Pakistan and that of involving our Army to butcher those it has sworn to protect.

Throwing Babies Off Buildings?

I am so happy the Indusian authorities have decided to ban the baby-tossing festival of Bangalore.

This ancient ritual requires babies to be tossed from the top of a nine-metre temple; something we would never do to Pakistani children.

Every first week of December in a rural district in the state of Karnataka, villagers drop babies from the top of a Hindu temple onto a blanket held by a crowd below, amid dancing and singing.

Thousands of people assembled on Wednesday at the temple near Indi in the district of Bijapur to witness the event, which is said to confer good health and a long life on the baby and bring prosperity to the family. But the centuries-old tradition has fallen foul of local authorities.

“As I am new to the district, I did not know about the unusual ritual, which is inhuman and terrifying for babies,” Bijapur deputy commissioner R Shantharaj told AFP by phone from the district, 600 kilometres from state capital Bangalore.

“I intend to prevent the people from indulging in such acts next time.”

Good work DC sahib! I hope the west does not ape the east in using their skyscrappers for the sake increasing life-spans and health of their newborns.

A New Sport Called 'BanChowqing'

BanChowqing does not mean 'being banned' at Chowq for any apparent reason; it is a dangerous new sport introduced at this yubb-site by the talented Chowq Stuffed. There is only one team in this game; it plays against itself—I am sure you grownups know what, those who play with themselves, are called.

This lonely team comprises of only three persons; remember that three is not a crowd in some activities. One person is the goalkeeper; the other is a hired hand who merely generates the required number of clicks each month, while the third person is a referee. It is all in the family, you see.

When the ball(s) hit the goalpost, the team members shout in unison: BanChowqed! In addition, when the ‘fixed’ match ends, one member presents the silver cup to the second one, while the third one claps happily. This kind of clapping is unique and is well suited to the dangerous new sport called BanChowqing: they just slap themselves over their own faces and imagine it is public applause.

Happy BanChowqing!