Auntie's Anti-Penile PENAL Code

Women sweep the roads, bake bricks at kilns and sell newspapers at traffic lights. They also work alongside men in the rural fields and manage quite a few manly jobs in the cities. But to employ them at petrol stations is unfair because it deprives away young men who support entire families. Women too sometimes support families but the Word is unambiguous on this issue: men must protect and provide for women.

When I protested against the presence of a female petrol-station attendant, the manager looked at me from head to toe, “Sir, the government wants us to provide equal opportunity to women in every sphere of life.”

I believe the sphere in question is the common petrol station. One evening when the tank’s quantity indicating needle almost hit the dreaded ‘E’, I drove straight for the nearest petrol station.

Wearing a baseball cap, and while holding that metallic contraption meant to pour petrol—if nothing else—into a near-empty tank—if nowhere else, a female worker innocently asked me, “Sir, how much shall I pour?”

She asked in Urdu and I consider it rude to put it here in words.

NGOS be damned, the government always listens to those with Dollars in their pockets. Overnight the wasted begums, the divorced social butterflies, the supply depot madams, the Dollar-eyed touts and their impious foreign sponsors had managed to change the delicate balance of our society. What Iqbal dreamt and what Jinnah attempted to implement now stands ruined by the hairy hands of the illiterate misleaders.

Pushing women to take up jobs where they come face to face with male customers every other minute is tantamount to promoting male sexual harassment. Sooner, rather than later, a tired driver will opt to refresh himself by baby-talking his way into female consciousness. A better option might have been to keep the ladies occupied in accounting or other departments where they need not worry about facial makeup or personal grooming. Now that the petrol girls will ‘man’ all stations, poor male drivers will have to fret about male makeup and facials.

It is true that the Mullahs are genuinely concerned—I for one being a million miles away from their scheming—about the turn of events in our senate. It is also unfortunately true that the same Mullahs have not been able to turn every other woman of this country into a well-groomed female legislator—the kind that now regularly appear on various television talk-shows and keep idiotic husbands glued to the idiot-box.

So, when the I’d-like-to-fill-you-up lady at the petrol station asked me if I wanted it, I said with a lowered gaze, “No!” and instead shouted for the nearest male attendant to fill up my car’s tank.

Overnight liberty, fraternity, and equality have descended upon us from the heavens. Having women—‘chimta’in hand—chase after low wager husbands was bad enough, asking depleted drivers if they wish to have their fill is officially-sponsored immorality, and once, the Mullahs are right.

My loud ‘no’ at the petrol station was heard by a very august body: our senate. Only yesterday, tired of passing the buck, they passed a bill to further amend the Pakistan Penal Code 1860 and the Code of Criminal Procedure 1898 against sexual harassment at the workplace.

Amid strong criticism from religious parties, the bill–moved by Law Minister Babar Awan–was referred to the Upper House and was swiftly passed by the National Assembly.

The new amendment bill seeks to insert a new offence in Section 509 of the Pakistan Penal Code 1860(XLV) to provide for punishment over sexual harassment at workplaces, and consequential amendments in Schedule II of the Code of Criminal Procedure 1898(V) to make the offence punishable with imprisonment–which may extend to three years–or a fine of up to Rs 500,000, or both.

The aunties have won! If I had my way, I would insert another decent sounding code in place of the very suggestive one that has something to do with penile matters. They claim that the offence would be bailable and non-compoundable—a lawyer will explain what that means.

The amendment is aimed at protecting women in particular against sexual harassment and was supported by all, apart from the religious parties and a senator from FATA.

JUI Senators Mohammad Khan Shirani, Ghafoor Haideri, Gul Naseeb Khan, JI Senator Prof Ibrahim and Senator Prof Sajid Mir objected to the bill and jointly proposed recommendations for inclusion in the amendment. They said that ‘the new amendment in the bill was a violation of the fundamental norms of Islam and the constitution, and would promote vulgarity among women. The bill must be sent to the Council of Islamic Ideology for further review.’

Never to stay silent on such issues, the female senators strongly protested and chanted slogans against JUI Senator Ghafoor Haideri for saying that the amendment would ‘further pave the way for NGO employees to promote vulgarity.’

We are not told if the males—exercising their right to protest—chanted slogans against the female senators; if they did nothing of the kind, double shame on them for not unleashing their male tongues and providing the citizens with constitutional entertainment.

Senators from the plethora of political parties supported the bill, saying ‘it would provide complete protection for women at workplaces.’ Exactly how, we were not told. Not even a contraceptive promises complete protection.

The pro-bill thrillers said that ‘since the bill was passed in the Lower House unanimously, there was no point in sending the bill to the Council of Islamic Ideology or including any more proposals in the amendment. There are shortcomings in the current law, and the majority of the female population preferred to stay home out of fear of sexual harassment at the hands of male colleagues.’

The JUI’s Ghafoor Haideri said ‘the NGOs were behind this amendment … after the passage of this bill, our society will be transformed into European society. Islamic principles and ethics should not be bulldozed in a country created in the name of Islam.’

In chaste Urdu, pro-bill Senator Tahir Mashadi of the MQM said ‘the new amendment would provide protection to the people at workplaces against sexual arrangements’.

PML-N Senator Raja Zafarul Haq said ‘the amendment bill was not a new thing, as it had only increased and specified the punishment against offenders.’ Indeed nothing is new in Pakistan and American invaders have been drone-bombing us since 1947.

Senator Nelofar Bakhtiar, Kalsoom Perveen and Mushahidullah supported the bill. Senate Deputy Chairman Jan Mohammad Jamali–who presiding over the session–counted the desk-thumping members who supported the bill to pass with a majority.

Mentioning the same old names is boring to the core. Let us have the national anthem now and be done with the job.

Pakistan and Islam zindabad, NGOs murdabad.

Will The Real Leader Please Stand Up?

US Defence Secretary Robert Gates (ex-CIA) will be arriving in Pakistan tomorrow, the last stop on his visit to the region.

Matters relating to the ongoing efforts to stabilise Afghanistan and rising tensions between Pakistan and India are likely to be discussed when Gates meets the country’s top leadership.

Basically this translates into escalation of old tensions between India and Pakistan and more killing of innocent civilians. The leadership here—as almost everywhere else on the globe—just cannot resist receiving those nice-smelling packets that contain freshly-printed Dollars and instructional pages from the global best-selling novel: How to destroy your country from within in two easy steps.

Gates will meet AAZ, YRG and a few others who do not matter to the citizens of Pakistan, while the top military leadership will only discuss security-related matters.

Sources said Gates would try to convince the Pakistani leadership about India’s ‘greater role’ in Afghanistan, which Pakistan disagrees with.

This means more RAW cells along the Pak-Afghan border and bad eggs turning into suicidal omelettes. India, already involved in ‘development activities’ in Afghanistan, is being eyed by the US for a military role in the war-torn country as well.

India, together with a little help from our American cooks, will only spoil an already spoilt broth. I would advise India to stay clear of this trap if it wishes to prosper; Pakistan could follow the same advice but the results may not turn out to be the same.

Also on the agenda will be discussions on the latest situation in Afghanistan and the effect of increased number of US troops in the country to turn the tide against the Taliban.

All this means continued drone attacks, greater number of ‘high-value kills’ and the resultant escalation of resentment against aggressive American foreign policy.

With the above bit of sad news as the background, just yesterday, AAZ vowed one more time to serve the people of Pakistan and face any and all challenges facing the nation.

“Those who want to learn the politics of the masses and want to be like Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto should be ready to die like him as well... if they want to be like Benazir Bhutto they should stand up like her and face all challenges,” AAZ said while addressing the fourth raffle draw of the Waseela-e-Haq programme at the Governor’s House.

I certainly hope that misleaders from a plethora of faceless political parties will follow this wonderful idea to swing from the gallows of public accountability after having tried to manufacture shoelaces out of the outgoing military dictator’s moustaches. The press failed to ask how willing female legislators might be to ‘stand up like’ Benazir Bhutto did to offer her head for target practise.

Well, I would like AAZ to face the challenge called Gates, coming our way all the way from the murder capitol of the world: Washington. He needs to tell the ex-CIA man face to face to go mind murderous Obama’s business elsewhere on the globe. Once done, AAZ may consult those around him on how to say farewell to us like the creator of the ‘food, clothing and shelter’ pipedream.

What Naturally Flows

Although I am inundated with requests for movie song parodies, I need to prioritize what naturally flows from my pen or the computer keyboard.

I wish to thank the readers for understanding, if not believing, the Messenger of Allah’s literacy issue. Please clarify all your doubts by looking at them under the microscope of the Qur’an. However, there remains one more issue about which I would like to write: the humanness versus the divinity of the Messenger of Allah. I will postpone the matter until another time. For now, I need to reply to readers’ comments:

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Echoboom, thanks for mentioning the Hilful Fudul treaty.

I speak English probably better than I do Urdu but I never consider myself a slave of the colonialists. I would like my brothers and sisters to be knowledgeable about the bulk of issues that Muslims face today but do not know how to tackle.

I would want them to spend time busting the religious myths instead of getting themselves busted in NY, LA, or wherever the other side claims Al-CIAda lives.

We already have some uneducated Indusians at this website mocking away on a daily basis; why say things such as 'TWO(2)-Number MAAL' to make them happy? Self-pity is the easiest thing to do in the world.

We need to stand tall and face the challenges pushed into our faces. One must show patience, have hope, and make a decent effort to achieve the best in this world. I do see with great pain that our overall balance is almost totally tilted towards winning eternal rewards in the hereafter.

I, for one, cannot be a time-waster. I will not sit on my hands. Self-pity is a sin against oneself and being a Pakistani Muslim I refuse to sulk and do nothing. I abhor the mutterers who have nothing better to do than highlight problems; show us the solutions and then work towards achieving them.

Allow me to summarize below the salient points of Hilful Fudul for the benefit of readers who may not know Islamic history well.

Battle of Fijaar: A never-ending series of wars was on in Pre-Islamic period. The battle of Fijaar is one of the fiercest and bloodiest battles fought between the Quraysh and the Qais tribes. As the Quraysh were justifiable, Prophet Muhammad sided with the Quraysh tribe but he raised his hand on none. The Qais tribe dominated the battlefield but the Quraysh tribe overpowered them; the war ended on a compromise.

Hilful Fudul: The endless series of wars destroyed hundreds of households but there was no claim in life. After the battle of Fijar was over, some peace-loving people came forward and launched a reformatory movement. One of the uncle’s of the Prophet (peace on him), Zubair, proposed that concrete steps be taken to keep the situation under control. Hence, the elders of the Quraysh tribe sat face-to-face to sign a treaty that read as follows:

1. We will eradicate restlessness from within the land.
2. We will provide protection to travellers.
3. We will help the destitute.
4. We will stretch a helping hand to oppressed people.
5. We will not let any oppressor to operate from within Makkah.

Prophet Muhammad (peace on him) was also present there and he joined the treaty. During his life, he once said, "Even if I were offered red camels for breaking this treaty I would not have accepted them. If I ever get a fresh call for such a treaty, I will be there again."

These excerpts are taken from ‘HOLY LIFE OF HAZRAT MUHAMMAD (HAYYAT-E-TAYYABA)’ By Maulana Dr A. S. Muhammad Abdul Hai (Rahmatullah) of Jamia Milia Islamia (Naqshbandi Haqqani Sufi order, Arif Billah Khalifa of Maulana A.I. Thanvi). He established more than a quarter century ago, Jameatus Salehat, a great centre of Muslim women education. He was a famous writer and the owner of the famous publishing house Maktaba Alhasanat that published some of the best Urdu magazines including Al-Hasanat, Noor, Batool and Hilal besides Hadi, a Hindi monthly for children.

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BHS75, thanks for laughing at the Barelvi commercial religious jingles; what they believe and what the Arabs believe has something to do with the geographical distance between the two lands.

Those blessed with seeing things through unwavering faith (Imaan) do not care about Barelvi or Wahabi beliefs. The Qur’an is full of references that show that the Messenger of Allah was born a human being and died as one. He married, had children and struggled very hard to oppose oppression.

Whether angels actually fought on his side is a matter that Dr Muhammad Asad has explained well, suffice to say, with help from his human friends, he was able to turn the tables within his lifetime and re-established a system prescribed by Allah.

Some (like that anti-Islam Dr. Koenraad ELST who was justifiably rebuffed on Chowq by this writer) think that ‘wahy was a state of trance in which a voice dictated Allah's own words to the chosen Messengers.'

The word ‘wahy’ (revelation) means ‘directing or guiding someone’ and it is derived from awha. It is the process of combined verbal and mental communication and inspiration. If men can invent Twitter and SMS, don’t you think our Creator has Divine methods to communicate with those who are tuned in to his station and who keep their hearts full of His remembrance and their minds logged on to His internet?

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Urstruly, thanks for escaping the ‘ban chowqing’ to communicate to me how much you like my thesis. I am one million years away from receiving a Ph.D. on the subject but abnormal beliefs have always disturbed me. Only a guided person can see all the wrong around; the Messengers were such people and we need to lock on to their targets and not to those which the IMF or the WB fax us at Islamabad.

I am sure, as a reader, you do read my posts and blogs on this pagan yubb-site, I wonder why you think I am ranting against every man with a beard? I propose complete submission to Him (Islam) thinking for oneself, seeking God’s direct help (with patience and prayers) and finding peace through a safe passage (taqwa). Is that being unjust to those who are a silent party to the death and destruction all around us?

As for the ‘classical clerical position that the Prophet (peace on him) was unschooled’, it is not my concern to speculate on his alma mater or teachers. Adam received his schooling directly from Allah—something that amazed the angels and set fire to fiery Iblees. Positions can and should change; now is the time to re-think what our beliefs really are, what fairy-tales we believe in and where we ought to be heading. I believe my previous blog solved the riddle of the Messenger’s education.

Whoever thinks that the Messenger (peace on him) ‘was imparted the necessary education (ability to read and write) through a Divine instrument and blessed with the first revelation in Hira’ is almost there; the rest of it is explained in the Qur’an by the Author.

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Thank you Mariposa for seeing to it that I write one more pious blog that will please the One who is indeed pleased by such human effort.

May Allah bless you all.