Friday, 16 April 2010

Cocaine-Filled 123 Condoms

Switzerland is such a peaceful little country that all the ill-gotten money and gold robbed by dictators and crooks lies in its numbered bank accounts, and they insist on providing full privacy and secrecy to their transactions. Since nothing criminal that is worth reporting ever happens in Switzerland, whenever something does happen, the press never fails to report it.

Recently, the border guards arrested a Nigerian drugs smuggler in Switzerland, with not one or two but 123 condoms stuffed with cocaine weighing 1.7 Kg in his stomach.

A spokesperson for the federal border guards said “the 123 condoms represented the equivalent of a 5.5 metre long string of sausages or 3.5 litres of milk in volume. It’s exceptional because the contents of just one of the condoms could have killed the carrier.”

Now obviously, the man was not dreaming of death when he agreed to do the dastardly deed but rather of life and money. He was among six people in a French-registered car who instead of stop when asked to, jumped a red light to speed past a border post near Geneva. They later received free medical care in the form of X-rays, which revealed that four of them were carrying a total of nearly three Kilograms of cocaine in their stomachs, in five centimetre condom packages coated with a waxy substance.

Two other similar cases were uncovered in Switzerland in the past four months in which nine people were arrested from France and Spain. Swiss border guards recovered all of the swallowed cocaine capsules after several days.

What is this world coming to? People are misusing condoms and using the device for a forbidden pleasure that ranks quite low on an average person’s must-do list: getting high on contraband drugs.


  1. Hmmm, I thought condoms were designed to save lives.

  2. BCO, latex does allow people to gather LIFE in small packets and then get rid of it.

  3. I guess smuggling ecstacy tablets in a bottle of pills or sticking thumb-sized wads of mary-jane between the grooves of ones shoes is passe now.

    It is quite impressive that our Nigerian drugs smuggler has found such an ingenious use for condoms. Other than the obvious, the only other use had been as water-balloons for pre-pubescents. A thinking man, I say!

    And of course, the spokesperson for the federal border guards must not go un-lauded for translating the whole into edibles with such aplomb and commendable savoir-faire.

    Also, the Swiss border guards are exhibiting a bloodhoundedness that must not go unremarked. It is almost as if not content with being a secretive financial stronghold, a neutral territory, premiers in watches, perforated cheese and chocolate, the Swiss are now also wanting to monopolize zero-tolerance for drug smuggling.

  4. Ruby, thanks for your first guest appearance here. You have been noticed with great literary pleasure!