Sunday, 7 February 2010

Give Me That Silly Thing

Dear readers:

Contrary to popular belief, I have not left Chowq (the yubb-site) for good; if I leave it, it will be for my own good. I have no real interest in posting my precious material at Chowq—not that I fear the abusers, whom I have always faced bravely and with style.

The real reason is that good readers and casual interacters need a place where they enjoy things without being assailed by Indusian show-offs and hopeless abusers. Most folks on Chowq are decent folks and wish to be left alone.

Chowq has never listened and it is doomed to being deaf and blind to just demands. It bans those who oppose its idiotic policies—thanks to the great American foreign policy. It promotes stupidity, idiocy and mediocrity.

Although my great experiment with Chowq has come to an expected end, I will use that yubb-site in whatever way I deem fit. Chowq’s abusive supporters and its ed-eaters need not waste their time launching campaigns to malign my sincere intentions. But then again, they may do so in order to waste their time.

As for the good readers and my fans (our beloved C3 has become B3), they will get their fill of customary socio-political satire at my own blog: Writer' s Block tgh

Here you may join as FOLLOWERS using your email accounts, and leave posts which will—as is my habit—be answered. If you have suggestions or questions, you may email me at:

Assuring you that I will always remain a man, I wish you happiness and success in whatever good you do.


And now for the blog...


Give Me That Silly Thing

How many bare necessities can one possibly own in a lifetime? As a wise man once pointed out, ‘If you could buy all the things in the world, where would you keep them?’ We too have our share of wise men in Pakistan. One of them may be (I said ‘maybe’) Chaudhry Abdul Ghafoor, the Punjab provincial minister for commerce, investment and prisons.

Last Wednesday he very generously allowed us to benefit from his faulty opinion (‘naakaara aur naakis rai’) through this ghastly suggestion: ‘Ban the use of mobile phones; only government officials and other privileged people should be allowed to use cell phones.’

This pearl of wisdom can emerge not from a mother of pearl but the mouth of a man unconnected with letters and one who is directly associated with our glorious prison system, where all kinds of creatures remain incarcerated and cut off from the real world.

I think it is the government officials who must not be allowed the privilege of using cell phones. On the contrary, all citizens must have these handy devices so that they may openly report to whoever they consider it necessary to report, the suspicious meetings of our politicians with foreign agents who often come to seal secret deals with their local cronies. This is the only way the crooks will stop selling Pakistan off for a song to foreign bidders.

Ghafoor said that ‘on one hand, Pakistan was considered to be a poverty-hit nation, yet on the other hand, even men on bicycles were using mobile phones’.

What does Ghafoor mean by that statement? Well, nothing at all—as is the case with all political statements. Riding a bicycle is infinitely better than going off to fly a kite. With or without cell phones, the poor remain connected and get on with their lives despite all the government interference. The influential bureaucrats, by contrast, zoom by common folks in unstoppable official cars and security escorts; why should they not be seen as wasting Pakistan’s resources? As Ali ibn Abi Talib (may Allah be pleased with him) said: ‘The poor are hungry because the rich are wasteful.’

Ghafoor said that ‘youngsters were giving billions of rupees to Christian and Jewish franchises through the mobile phone businesses’.

Hallelujah, now this is certainly news for poor young Pakistanis who abhor American intervention and double-dealing on behalf of Zionist Israel. The solution to this problem is to build an all-Islamic internet, launch communications satellites instead of launching bureaucratic careers and get all our money deposits out of foreign financial institutions—the last choice being the most painful for our corrupt elites.

Ghafoor further said that ‘mobile phones should only be with people of special status, primarily a select group of government officials. On Tuesday, the Punjab Assembly unanimously passed a resolution banning late night packages offered by mobile networks at cheap rates, in order to maintain moral and social values in the society and to prevent vice’.

Each painful day spent without sufficient electricity and food can only be forgotten if one spends the entire night happily talking to one’s beloved to benefit from cheap cell-phone ‘talk packages’.

I am glad that Ghafoor did not demand the ‘special status’ for people of his ilk who are, in any case, equipped with twelve horns on their forehead. And if he secretly did, then he certainly has more of the same on his own forehead and needs to be transferred, with immediate effect, from the prisons’ department to the one responsible for administering the Lahore zoo.

The Punjab Assembly has lost its vision—not that it had any of it to begin with. Nothing is shocking anymore, and it is pure comedy to hear the legislators ask for a ‘special status’ when they are unable to solve the problems assailing the common man. What our ‘special status’ people truly deserve in public is what George Warmonger Bush got from a brave Iraqi journalist in Baghdad.


Vanguard said...

Satirical as usual...can you post a link to the statements of the the way, the link on your chowk post of today is not correct as it says page not found when clicked.

TGH said...

Thanks Vanguard, I've corrected this (unlike Chowq) right away!

The statements are all in the newspapers. Try Daily Times, please.

Meher said...

Enjoyd the read. quite hilarious to read people's view about their own special status..

talking to the beloved bit was cool :)

TGH said...

Meher, thanks for dripping by! This 'zalim' government just won't leave the people alone with their cell-phones.

TGH said...

Read this folks!

aukha said...

sir jee...vary funnny writting....make me loff at pind da chodry ghafoora...blady matric faill peepls be rulin my country.. .goodluckk..

Anonymous said...

Imagine them getting jutti(fried) at various occasions!

TGH, do you have an extra pair in your pocket? :)


TGH said...

Arshia, thanks for enjoying; I never leave home without an extra size-10 pair of shoes!

TGH said...

Thanks Aukha, where have you vanished?